You would think by the 21st century women would not be slut shamed anymore. Female sexuality has a lot of imposed restrictions and significant negative attitudes about it. It is no secret I am a very sexual person. I am 32 years old, healthy and energetic. I have always had a high sex drive and it hasn’t slowed down; even after I became a mom. I have been told you shouldn’t post that because you are a mom. You shouldn’t wear that because you are a mom. You have a bunch of girls and show cleavage and wear tight pants and short shorts…..the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, in this world, there are many believers in “the hand that rocks the cradle shouldn’t rock the bedroom”. Research has shown that 1/3 of couples married and unmarried experience a drastic loss of sexual desire after they have children. Many women have a hard time separating their identity of mom and lover. Yes, children are a rival for affection against your boo…I get it. I am very open on this blog so if you are uncomfortable about sex talk then this is not the post for you to read. Come back when you are ready to not be a prude.
I have always preached the importance of not losing your identity after having kids. I do not put my children first all the time. In some cultures, men are often thought as horny, porn watching, sex all the time, masturbating creatures. Sadly, science and research usually support these stereotypes about men always thinking about sex most of the day, than chicks do; men jack off or masturbate more than females, men have more intense sexual feelings and that men have more orgasms, more often than women. News flash buddy, there are A LOT of women who love sex, watch porn and try to sink the little man in the pink canoe frequently!
I would say over the last 20 years (remember I am only 32 so a lot of this is research based) researchers have revisited common feelings about sexuality. Earlier research on female sexuality pretty much determined that the subject was not important. Women were extensively excluded from clinical trials and surveys in regards to sexual health. Today, there are more female scientist and because of this finally, more attention is being paid to the subject of female sexuality. Research has found there are parts of the brain that light up when there is clitoral, vaginal, cervical, and nipple stimulation (not breastfeeding this is different). It is common to think that women don’t naturally feel the urge for sex and that we can only get in the mood if there is foreplay, dirty talk and lots of romance. Actually, some of us don’t really care about that shit. I have heard that women are like crockpots and men are like microwaves. It takes longer for us to heat up. Some of us don’t need the desire to be initiated. Women sexuality really isn’t that complicated. Now it is true that when it is ovulation time and such that the hormones are raging for meat. This is a natural thing for mating purposes. Some women have a low libido from stress, sleep deprivation and being depressed. But all of these things can fuck up a guy’s libido too. They are not some immortal sexual beings. Our society still stigmatizes ladies who are open about their sexuality and usually view them as slutty etc. Some women have higher sex drives than their man’s. The media never portrays it that way and it makes some women feel like there is something wrong with them because they really like sex.
As a woman ages and gain sexual experiences, we learn ways to receive pleasure more so than ways on how to give it. If the dick is trash, she pretty much knows it as soon as the encounter starts based on previous experiences. How do you know you want to buy a car if you don’t test drive it? It is okay for men to sleep with multiple women, but let a female sleep with a bunch of men. All hell breaks loose. She is labeled with derogatory terms or deemed to be “undesirable”. There is nothing wrong with a female testing the waters to figure out what she likes and doesn’t like as long as it is in a safe manner and situation. There are a million things that tell women how to please a man…but where is all the stuff about how to please a chick? For a long time, there was this whole thing with guys where they were ashamed to admit that they eat pussy. However, they all wanted girls to suck on their lil peepees….Chicks like head too dammit!
I experienced something with my husband that I had never experienced before. A night that was all about me. Have you ever had that? If not voice that to your partner and let them figure out the deets. This will tell you if they really pay attention to your pleasure and truly know how to get you to arrive at the party (orgasm). You might be met with some resistance and what about me? Comebacks, but there are a decent amount of guys that have yet to figure out that your pleasure is their pleasure. Different factors make women aroused and ready to party but there are usually A LOT of factors that will put the fire out. Selfishness being one of them.
Things that will impact your response to sex include:
- How you feel about yourself
- How you feel about your partner
- Health
- And a big big one is if you were brought up religious or like apart of a strict culture.
I don’t want to go much into religion, but I was brought up in a religious home and sex was not something that was supposed to be casual or even fun. In fact that shit sounded so boring and the fact that it was all about the man and being pure for him etc did not sit well with me. This is my body and I am not property. Sex is not just touchy feely. It is an emotional connection, even if that connection is Netflix and chill. Did you know that today’s negative views about female sexuality was formed by culture and religion? A long long time ago, it was believed that ladies who loved to have sex were considered mentally ill or a witch. Today if you don’t desire sex, a doctor will diagnose you with hyposexual disorder. Please do not take this as if you have low libido that something is super wrong with you. That isn’t true. For me when my libido tanked it was a big indicator that my anxiety and depression meds were not working for me. I enjoy sex and not being able to enjoy it anymore surely was not going to make me feel any happier or less anxious. Media plays a big part in destroying a woman’s self esteem. Self esteem impacts sexual desire. I have pretty average to high self esteem and I feel like I look good which makes me feel sexy. Apparently being a mom, you are not supposed to be “sexy”.
I have had my issues with self-image and I did something about it. When I made changes and felt better, it boosted my emotional spirit and I felt like I was my old self. In my super late teens and 20s I was promiscuous. I am never afraid to tell people this. Yes, I had A lot of sex, but I was safe with it. Most women have their sexual renaissance later in life, I had mine earlier lol. Sexual prime can show up at any age. For me it was then but really pulled up once I turned 30. There has never been a culture or religion that I have come across that encourages a female to experiment and discover their sexuality. Instead, we are taught to CENSOR it. I learned over time boundaries and what is acceptable sexual behavior…acceptable sexual behavior for a female is basically to not be sexy. Modesty has long been the way of life. I am not a modest person and I am ok with that. I have been told that I don’t dress like a mom or look like a mom. I don’t understand that shit. It sounds absolutely ridiculous. Mainstream hook up culture has been booming the past few years. This mostly started with porn. Because of this, sex is looked at as a detached thing with no meaning and immoral. I have never believed as a female that the purpose of sex was to make a relationship solid with a certain person. It was simply using each other’s body for pleasure. As a female and thinking this way, it is pretty much considered “slutty or Hoeish”.
Slut shaming still happens. I have been slut shamed for wearing certain tops since I am a mom, twerking since I am a mom, talking openly about sex or dicks since I am a mom etc. Let a guy do it then it is not a problem even if he is a Dad. Sex has always been looked at differently depending on if it is the man or the woman engaging. Sexual double standards praise men and put down women still to this day. Even if a guy has had more sexual partners, he would likely not desire a chick with a high body count (depending on certain factors). However, women are usually more accepting of a guy who has a high body count because society has made that to be something to expect out of men.
Even in rape cases there have been times where the number of sexual partners and her sexual behavior has been brought up in court in a way to defend the rapist or tear apart the victim’s claim. This can cause a biased verdict. Sexual double standards still exist because the idea of it is ingrained and still being assumed in our society. Guys earn status for having casual sex and smashing a lot of people and women are stigmatized. Ladies are unfairly shamed and discriminated against because of these double standards. Recently I had a nice little troll tell me I was worthless and human trash because I am a mom and have an only fans and porn hub account. There are a lot of people making money off these sites and reaching their financial goals. Yes, it is looked down on by a lot of people because of what society has taught us over the years about sex work. Newsflash, not everything on only fans is porn lol. Only fans was not created just for porn. There are bloggers on there that have a huge following and post exclusive content on there and share information on there that they do not want to share for FREE. Even if a girl is on only fans or porn hub securing the bag who the fuck cares? It’s not your body. My personal adult life is in no way a reflection of my ability to be a good mom. My life did not stop because I had kids. I am happily married and enjoying my life with my husband. I am enjoying my youth and embracing my sexiness. For a little while after I had kids I hated my body because of SNAP BACK CULTURE. I hate it and am guilty of it. After having a bunch of babies, you realize that snap back culture is stupid.
I feel sexy. I have embraced my stretch marks and curves and other people notice it. I am a MILF and I will not be ashamed of it.
Hey Y'ALL! 