Monthly Archives: February 2018

The Lit Marriage: Doom in the Bedroom

Ways to maintain sex and intimacy after kids

So you spent all this time trying to avoid or achieve getting pregnant and then BOOM! You have a positive pregnancy test. Nine months fly by and then the stork delivers to you the biggest but cutest cxck blocker known to mankind…kids.

For some women, sex and intimacy goes out of the window with sleep, free time and peeing in peace when they have a baby and others it gets better. I have been asked a lot about this topic because everyone assumes that since we have a large family that we have this amazing sex life. Well, I am going to be real with y’all about it, it is pretty damn legit but requires a little more creativity and compromising. I have experienced some of the common issues with intimacy after babies (such as low self esteem due to the changes your body undergoes during pregnancy), but I was able to quickly resolve those issues. The biggest thing is being very realistic about things. Yes, kids change a lot of factors in regards to your life as a whole, and one of those things is sex. When you are married or in a relationship, pregnancy and beyond can impact your sex life greatly. It is something that happens but the initial approach to it will make a huge difference in it being positive or negative.

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Yes, you will hate your postpartum body…I don’t know too many people who are absolutely in love with it. I mean if you like the idea of your tummy looking like you are still expecting or like a smashed brain once it finally deflates then my friend you rock. For this mama, the postpartum stage is filled with lots of OMG look at my body, this is going to take forever to fix etc. For me this goes away within the first 6 weeks. Then you have to deal with all of the hormones being out of whack, adjusting to a new baby and his or her schedule, and juggling all other aspects of your life including your significant other. And then there is daddy….He may or may not be sensitive to this delicate time, but for them sleep deprivation or being well rested, 6 weeks seems like an eternity. Doctors recommend that you wait the full 6 weeks for them to give you the okay to make sexy time. Now, a few factors goes into this. The biggest one is how your delivery went. C-section, natural, being torn from the roota to the toota (front to back), stitches, you name it. I approach it as the same way I do exercise. When I am feeling up to it, start slow and work my way back up. Contrary to the popular judgemental belief, not everyone waits the six weeks to have sex. I haven’t each time, but that is me. I don’t recommend telling people what to do with their boom boom rooms, but that is between you, your significant other and your doctor.

Honestly, sex got better after having kids….

I am going to explain why it did. When you are actually trying for a baby, it is the most fraustrating shxt ever. It is time consuming tracking cycles, crying over negative tests, taking your temps etc; and although they say don’t stress and have fun, you usually stress and it becomes a chore. You are so focused on the window of opportunity that you forget the other reasons why you are making sexy time. Once that ship has sailed, it goes back to the old times where sex is recreational and fun.

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Now don’t get me wrong, you still have to have a strictly business approach because when you have kids, making sexy time is like race against time. How much time do you have before the dinosaur chicken nuggets are done and everyone is distracted watching a kiddie movie or show to get it in? Is this a long nap or short nap? I can go on and on. My beau said I got sexier to him when I had his kids. I feel the same way about him. When he became a father, his sexy meter went up. It was a new sense of him being a super provider and protector that sent my hormones in overdrive. Our bond is so much closer since we became parents. Not to mention I melt when I see him just being a dad. Playing with the kids etc, it makes me happy. They say happy wife happy life.

Things that put doom in the bedroom

Being bogged down with routines: Instead of you two being available to each others needs, you neglect each other for the needs of the child. Yes, make sure your child is taken care of and settled in, but sometimes it is okay for them to not be held the entire time while they sleep. If you are finding yourself “scheduling” sex, stop it right now. Be a little more creative. Spontaneity keeps that flame burning. One thing I like to do is we shower together (when I haven’t fallen asleep first, depending on how tired mama is). Bedtime is a good time for making sexy time happen. If you share a room with baby, then go to another room. If you co-sleep, safely barricade your little bundle of joy and skip to another room. I do not believe people when they say they “don’t have time for sex” once they have had kids. There is time you just have to use your time wisely when you have a chance. Wake your butt up earlier or go to bed later.

Not trying to keep the romance alive or being romantic: Juggling work and kids, school and kids, hell just life in general and kids can put a damper on romance. Flirt like you did before you had kids, send sexy texts to each other, surprise him with some new fragrances or lingerie when it is time for bed. If you are struggling with body image issues after having a baby, one thing that helped me is looking in the mirror and saying positive affirmations. I tell myself I love my body even when I don’t always feel that way.

Making your life all about your kids: Yes they are your life but no yours doesn’t have to stop. Trust me they will be okay. Don’t neglect your spouse because you have kids. There are ways to balance out your time and love. Neglecting sex and intimacy can cause you to have issues with yourself. This is apart of self care believe it or not.

Hormones and other things you can’t really control: Some women libidos take a nose dive after they have kids. There are some ways to boost it naturally that I will share in another post. Hormones can impact several portions of being a female after you have a baby. That is what lube is for my friend. Don’t be afraid to bring it into the bedroom. It makes things more comfy for you and your partner.

Criticizing yourself and your body: It’s hard but try to avoid this. You may not be bikini ready by textbook and social media standards right away, but learn to love what you have. For me I am a little self conscious afterwards so I have the lights off completely or low until I feel comfy again.

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Things that prevent or limit doom in the bedroom after kids

Be realistic and have realistic expectations: Your schedule will likely change so the normal uninterrupted times you were used to doing it are gone. Your hour marathon now is a 10-15 minute race. If you aren’t eager to jump back into the game make it known and it usually helps to explain why. Sometimes people don’t really get how you feel in the postpartum stage and it’s not so much you are being stingy with love or purposely rejecting your spouse. Communication is important. Be patient when you are not up for sex. Offer simple gestures of affection instead. It’s all normal and totally okay. If it hurts say so and stop and resume when you are able to engage at a comfortable level.

Quickies: Quality not quantity here. quickies become your new best friend when it comes to sex after kids. Some people don’t like quickies and prefer marathon sex, but I suggest you get used to quickies and make them count. The good thing about quickies is that you both know what you need to do to arrive at the party. That way you ensure you both will get your fix. Also being pressed for time can make you both desire each other more. Save the marathon sexy time for when you are kid free. Also woman to woman, don’t feel pressured to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable sexually. Yes try new things, but within comfort.

TTC Round 2-infinity: After you successfully have one kid and learn all of the what to expect shxt, when you are ready for round 2, 3, 4, 5 etc you know what changes to expect and how getting pregnant works and will be a little more relaxed about things and just go with the flow and let it happen how it happens. If you have other plans, I suggest you make sure your birth control method is reliable. The lack of stress makes respawning easier and less blah. You can actually enjoy each other without worries.

The 6 week wait: If you wait the 6 weeks, you can build up to the big moment again. You can be super flirty and get creative and do other things that don’t involve actually having sexy time. You don’t always have to have sex to be intimate. Massages and just making out are always nice.

Be intimate emotionally first: Reconnect with your spouse. You spent all of this time talking about babies and kids everyday, now it’s time to stop. Find other topics to explore. Most females like to be emotionally stimulated before they are physically stimulated. Someone once put it like this: girls are like crock pots, we take a little longer to heat up; boys are like microwaves, all they need is a little heat and they are ready. Being emotionally unavailable tends to kill sex and intimacy. Talk to your partner about things that may be bothering you such as your appearance and frustrations of being a parent. Find a balance. Venting and then being reassured about doubts etc can make a world of a difference. For me I used to make comments about my body changes and he always tells me that I am beautiful and that I am doing a good job.

Share the responsibilities: When you have children, sharing responsibilities and helping each other when caring for them tends to lead to mutual happiness. It has been proven in a few studies that when parents share responsibilities of caring for a child they have better sex. When the care is one sided, the resentment will set in and who is turned on by that?

Being creative: Again, within comfort. Explore. Redefine what sex and intimacy is for you and your spouse. This can be sensually touching, kissing, or exploring a new hobby together. Try different positions. Sometimes postpartum sex isn’t ideal for certain positions so you may have to try a few different ones to be comfy. Who knows you may discover your new favorite position!

Prepare in advance: If you know you are going to make sexy time happen, try to limit interruptions. Again, use your time wisely. Put the kiddos in do not disturb mode by setting up a movie and snacks, be sure to lock your door or barricade them safely in another room with a baby gate if they are tots. If you are breastfeeding make sure the feeding is done prior to or you have pumped especially since leaks can happen and when the boobies are full they tend to be a little on the uncomfy side being touched.

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Just like parenting, sex and intimacy after kids is a learning experience. You thought you knew what you were doing before kids but then afterwards this is a game changer. Just know that it does get better with time. Start slow mama and ease back into things.

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Nothing prepared us for this

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*This is a very lengthy post and covers a lot*

Randomly finding out I was pregnant was already surprising enough. However nothing prepared me for the weeks that followed peeing on that stick. I had some pretty intense symptoms leading up to testing. I had horrible cramping, my back was hurting pretty damn bad, I was beyond exhausted, moody as hell, and my boobs felt like someone was using them as punching bags. Most of it, I chalked it up to being a period from hell about to happen.

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What my uterus felt like

Once I tested and got my final answer, I was a bit on edge because of how bad the symptoms were. In my previous pregnancies in the beginning, I had zero-mild symptoms. This time, I had every symptom in the books times 100. My OB wanted to see me immediately, but I told them I prefered to wait a few weeks because of all of the hoopla that happened with Kali’s pregnancy (The Not So Blighted Ovum). They respected my wishes and the appointment was set for a few weeks out to guarantee we would get a confirmation of a visible pregnancy, and see the baby with a heartbeat instead of a yolk sac for my peace of mind.

It took forever for my appointment date to get here but I felt every single bit of pregnancy each day. We kept talking about how we couldn’t believe it happened so quickly, fantasized about what “he” would look like, picked names (for a boy or girl), started window shopping for baby items ya know all of the fun stuff you do when you find out you’re about to have a dinosaur. The week after I found out I was pregnant, the morning sickness started. It was nothing like I have ever experienced. I am still battling it 22 weeks later. I also noticed I immediately had a baby bump and I was like only 48 hours pregnant.

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I figured I was already sporting a nice round bump because after all this was my 6th pregnancy and you show quicker with each pregnancy. With me being beyond sick and overall just feeling like pure shxt in general, we started to joke about me being pregnant with twins. Now, this wasn’t something random because well, twins run on my side of the family…like deep. I have been lucky enough to dodge it happening the previous 5 times. Well the gods said, “hold my beer”.

We both were excited about the first appointment because we knew we would be able to see our little dinosaur chicken nugget all curled up and ready to grow for the next 9 months. Things started off crappy when we got to the appointment because my OB had to go deliver a baby so we had to wait and wait and wait. Rescheduling is not an option for me because the practice I use and the hospital I deliver at is almost an hour away from where I live. I do not trust any other hospitals to handle my care or deliveries within my control (unless it’s an emergency then the nearest one would be used obviously). Not to mention, I have had 4 out of the 5 babies we have at this hospital.

Finally my DR returned and he made a comment about my appearance that I looked like I didn’t feel well etc. I informed him of the horrible morning sickness. This was a bit surprising to him because usually I don’t have an issue with this kind of stuff. He said he would prescribe me something to see if it helped and if not we would try other options. We headed to the ultrasound room and all was going well. My husband sat on the bench watching him check things out and show us our little nugget hanging out. Now at first, I did notice a little something next to the baby but it appeared to be empty and I thought it was like my bladder or some shxt. After he let us hear the baby’s heartbeat, all I heard him say was, “and over here we have baby number 2″……and the world stopped. The room went mute, I didn’t hear shxt he had to say after that. I laid there in disbelief, mouth wide open. Did this guy just say baby number 2? As in two fetuses? deuce?  deux? dos? zwei?

The sound quickly came back on and as he was still talking, I interrupted him and said, “Man Stop playing with me Dr. Harvey”. I could tell he was trying not to laugh because he had this huge smirk on his face and he was like “I am not playing, I am so serious you are having twins Breyona… there are two babies”. He brightened up the pic and there it was for sure another baby curled up in the sac next to the first one. I began to sweat and was still processing it all. All I could do was repeatedly say “Stop playing with me” “Oh my god” “This isn’t real” “No f——- way” and lots of “WTF”. He let us hear baby number 2’s heartbeat and he said it was nice and strong.

I saw I was legit pregnant with twins.

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My beau was laughing and smiling from ear to ear the entire time. Me not so much. It’s one thing when you laugh and joke about it until it happens for real. He continuously expressed how excited he was but I couldn’t smile about it. I was in shock and didn’t know how to really take this news. We weren’t prepared for twins! We had planned for one baby! I knew I should be super excited and over the moon, but I was immediately worried about a lot of things. Twins put you in the category of high risk from the start. I have never had a c-section and the possibility of having one is 50/50 with this pregnancy. I was informed I had to see a specialist on top of the regular OB which means lots of appointments. This pregnancy was a game changer. The horrible morning sickness etc also made it hard to be excited because of how often I feel bad.

We already knew we were done having kids after this pregnancy but this def confirmed things. Once we hit the second trimester we decided to schedule the vasectomy (All Juice No Seeds. ) We opted to have it done during the pregnancy so that my beau would be nice and sterile way before the babies are born. We don’t have to worry about birth control or us both trying to recover at the same time. It was the best decision for us and we couldn’t be more happier with it. We did keep the twin aspect of the pregnancy a secret up until recently when we had the gender reveal. We wanted to have our anatomy scans completed. Because of how crappy I have been feeling, in short I wanted to be left the hell alone so I could rest. I didn’t want the extra attention or constant questions and such, so we chose to keep that aspect to ourselves until it was the right time to disclose it. The further I get into the second trimester the better I feel. I still have some pretty rough days but more good ones than bad ones at this point. The babies are doing very well so far and that makes me happy. I am getting more and more excited the closer we get to meeting them. When it was revealed that we are expecting girls, the reactions were as expected. I am going to say this and leave it alone: Yes we will have 5 girls, no we are not sad about it. We initially tried for another baby to shoot for a boy, but if you know how making babies works, you don’t get to pick what you want unless you have Beyonce and Jay-Z money.

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The whole us having a preference thing went out the window a long time ago. We both are very excited to meet our new little bundle of girls. I am going to speak for a lot of people here when I say this, but sometimes it’s best to keep your gender bias comments to yourself. In some cultures having girls is like the worst thing ever, but for the Sharpnack family, it just means the higher beings chose to sprinkle a little more glitter in our lives and I am okay with that! Our two boys will be just fine in a house full of girls. They both love their sisters and love doing boy things together and not worrying about sharing their things with all the girls.

Now I did say this post would answer the questions that everyone seems to have. I don’t mean to be rude but people know I HATE constantly repeating myself. So writing this post should answer all if not most of the common questions people have been asking. I ask that you read each one carefully because if I am asked again I will kindly refer you back to this post. I have a lot to cover and catch you guys up on within the next few months before things get crazy.

Sharpnack Twins FAQS

  1. Does this mean that you are getting a mini van/van? No I am not planning on getting a van. Although they may be more convenient as far as getting people in and out of the car, it simply is not for me. Getting a van seems to be a big joke to a lot of people and I honestly don’t see what’s so funny about a family’s mode of transportation as long as they have one. Most people making comments about it drive something that’s falling apart or nothing at all anyway. What works for other moms, may not work for me. It was decided by me and my beau who pays the bills that a van isn’t ideal for our family. Now, to further address this topic once and for all. I have 3 options, ONE is in fact a van but it is our “worst case scenario” option, meaning if it doesn’t make sense financially to obtain the other options then we will go with that. REGARDLESS we are the ones paying for the vehicle, and other’s opinions about it does not mean two red cents to us or will sway our decision.  We are not the type of people who make decisions for the likes and appeasement of others. If anything we are very fortunate to be able to have multiple vehicle options and the ability to afford what we would like. So here are the options: 2018 Yukon XL, 2018 Chevy Suburban (we currently own both a Yukon and a suburban), and the 2018 Nissan NV. For those of you who don’t know the two SUV options can seat up to 9 passengers. Regardless we will do what is best for our family and that is all that matters.
  2. I have always wanted twins, did you do anything special to conceive twins? No I didn’t do anything special to conceive the twins. The only thing I changed in my normal routines, was I started drinking a lot of alkaline water. I am not saying this had anything to do with anything but it was just something I started when we decided we wanted to have another baby. Several factors play a role in having twins and for me it was purely genetics and my body being a jerk and laying two eggs.
  3. Are they identical or fraternal? Our twins are fraternal and are DI/DI (Dichorionic Diamniotic) twins. To explain this in a way that is easy to understand, think of it as a house and sharing rooms. Our twins have separate rooms and separate everything else but share a house. They do not share a placenta or a sac just my uterus. Although they are fraternal and the same sex, they can still look very similar, but for the most part all of our kids look alike. DI/DI twins are the most common form of twin pregnancies and have less complications. 20180207_185048
  4. You guys just built a large new home does that mean you are about to sell it very soon for something bigger? It was already established that this home was our starter home. Yes, we do plan to sell this home and build a bigger house but not anytime soon. This is something that we are not thinking about right now and will likely do 5 or 6 years from now. What we have now more than works perfectly for us.
  5. What was your parent’s reactions? I am declining to comment on how his parents reacted, but my parents were not shocked that we were expecting, but were thrown off by the twins. My mom almost fainted and my dad smiled. My grandmother is over the moon about it. Everyone else all say this was all my granddaddy’s will because he came from a large family that includes twins and because they are due the day after his birthday (R.I.P Granddaddy). My family has been very supportive and are very excited about the twins.
  6. What are you going to do about school? I am actually about to obtain another Masters degree this spring, and then I am taking a break from school for maybe a year or so in order for me to focus on loving on my babies. My adviser is very supportive of my decision and I am looking forward to a much needed break. Dr. Sharpnack will happen in due time, but right now I am all about our family.
  7. What does it feel like being pregnant with twins? It feels like any other pregnancy, except you get bigger faster, have more symptoms, and those symptoms are ten times worse. The bump is slightly heavier. I can feel the babies moving, but they are on their own schedule. Baby A is more active than Baby B, but they haven’t been awake and moving at the same time yet. I am sure this will change.
  8. Will you have a c-section? This is something that is up in the air. There is a 50/50 chance that I may need one. It depends on each baby’s position. Right now both are head down but they still have time to flip flop back and forth. Although I have never had one and have delivered naturally before, I am going to do whatever is best for me and my babies to ensure they are delivered in the safest way possible. We are hoping for the best and crossing our fingers for a stress free vaginal delivery.
  9. Do you have a lot of stretch marks? I always get stretch marks. However they haven’t been that bad this pregnancy. I started using a stretch mark oil (not cream or lotion) the day I found out I was pregnant. So far the oil in combination with drinking plenty of water has faded existing ones and prevented new ones from popping up. There will be a post in the near future about my must have twin pregnancy survival items. vday3.jpg
  10. You should have everything you need since it’s girls, so why do you have a baby registry and are you buying new items? First off, don’t assume anything. When we had Kendall she was supposed to be our last baby. As she outgrew things we got rid of them. Simple as that. We are in a sense starting over and of course we have to buy two of certain things (There will also be a post about must have twin baby items). The baby registry is for our records so we can keep track of what is needed and check it off as we move along. No one is obligated to purchase anything for any of our babies. If they choose to do so that is purely up to them. A lot of people ask what do we need or how they can help and usually the answer is diapers, wipes and toiletries. The way my friends are set up, they prefer to do more than that and I am ok with that and we are very grateful for their love and support.
  11. Will you dress them alike? They do have a few onesies so far that do match but for the most part I don’t plan on dressing them alike. Now if an outfit is just too stinkin cute to pass up then yes I will be buying two of them but switching up certain things such as the accessories. vday2.jpg
  12. This last question is one of the most asked questions next to the whole car thing…Will the babies have K names like the other girls? Absolutely not. The twins will have names that do not start with K’s. We decided not to do this when we found out the genders. However, if they were boys, they would have had C names because we were in love with the C names we had picked. There was slim pickings of K names and we felt that if we would have went with one of them it would be settling. Also since they are twins and will share certain things, we want them to have their own unique identity. Although we appreciate it, we do not need baby name suggestions. Their names are already picked and set in stone and we are in love! The names will not be revealed until we have them and it will be done in some special way so we kindly ask that you respect this, and you do not ask us what the names will be for the time being.

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So that’s it for now! I hope I answered all of your questions! If there is anything else you want to know or are curious about drop me a comment and I will try to answer it in another post at a later time! Seeing my beau and everyone’s reactions and excitement to the news has gotten me more excited about the whole having twins thing and definitely cheered me up. As a mom I am entitled to letting my fears and worries overcome my joy and excitement from time to time because I am human and also keep in mind I do have anxiety. One thing for certain, two things for sure I can’t wait to snuggle these little bundles of mayhem in June!

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Plot twist

The Gender Reveal (1)

I am currently 21 weeks pregnant and yesterday we had our gender reveal! The gender of our last bundle of mayhem was something that everyone has been anticipating. The majority of the votes we received were for a boy. Initially me and my beau were are set on being team blue. I mean after all that was the whole reason we even considered trying one last time. We all know that the daddies determine the gender of the baby and mommy doesn’t have much say so in it. After a while, we both started to not really have a preference anymore. For me, it was because I have been incredibly sick battling morning sickness since day one, I stopped giving a damn. I just wanted a healthy baby. When we asked the kids what they would like to have surprisingly, everyone except Cody (and ofcourse Kali and Kendall couldn’t cast their vote), said they wanted another sister. Cody was team blue since day one.

Planning the gender reveal wasn’t too crazy. I knew I wanted something small but unique and since we did a gamer theme for the pregnancy announcement we decided to stick with it. We both love Super Mario, and it was something we could easily do that could be made gender neutral. So I have this thing where I like to pick unique themes, and well the downside to this is, a lot of things have to be custom made, custom ordered from other people, and can add up quickly. Some of the items I was able to find at party stores and online. Some things were free and some things cost a good bit of money but were so worth it! I wasn’t too concerned because this is our last baby so I wanted to make it special but not too over the top.

I had a few monkey wrenches thrown into things because of bad timing, and a series of unfortunate events. One of those unfortunate events was getting sick. My whole house got hit and I was the last casualty. With the flu going around superbad, I decided I needed to take measures to prevent the funk from coming back into my home. We informed those on the guest list if they had been recently ill, that we kindly asked them to stay home. This did alter our guest list a bit but we still ended up with a packed house.

The bad timing aspect, my dress was ordered 3 weeks in advance on Amazon, it was shipped but then it was noted after the fact by the seller that the dress was coming from the United Kingdom! The dress had no tracking and was set to arrive between the 8th and 20th! I was pretty upset about this and as we got closer and closer to the day I realized I had nothing to wear. Ofcourse I have plenty of Mario shirts, but I wanted to wear something special (also I can barely fit the shirts I have). I had a check up with the specialist this week, so after my appointment we set out to find me something to wear. With no luck, I ended up buying a shirt from Box Lunch (the same company I had a horrible online experience with). The sales person said he would hold it at the register because there were two left. One shirt was a men’s medium and would work, and the other on the shelf was a men’s 2x! So I didn’t think to check the sizes or anything when I saw him walk back to the register with the shirt because obviously I needed the medium and I had sat it ON TOP of the other shirt.

We had lunch and then decided it was best just to buy the damn shirt. The shirt was a little pricey for what it was and I wasn’t too happy about that. We get back home, and the mail had been dropped off….guess what was in the mail…MY DRESS…..I had just spent almost 40 bucks on a damn tshirt for nothing. I figured well the shirt isn’t too bad and I like cool tees so I might as well keep it. Well I am counting my lucky stars…this person picked up the 2x shirt instead of the medium shirt not paying attention….so if the dress wasn’t here I would have been screwed because the shirt was beyond too big. My husband didn’t like the shirt so I shoved it back into the bag with the receipt mad as hell and plan on returning it when I have my next appointment. So the dress was an XL but kind of stretchy so I knew it would work with my baby bump. Well it was a bit snug because of my boobs. My boobs have really blown up this pregnancy. This dress that would normally fall above my knees, fit like a tunic top…leggings saved the day.

We were supposed to start things at 4pm, but unfortunately, I woke up at 8:30am battling horrible morning sickness. Fine time for this to happen. I was literally sick all day long. My beau had to do a lot on his own and I had to help and prepare things as much as I could in between being sick. I ended up super exhausted and what wasn’t done at this point just didn’t happen. I took my morning sickness meds and couldn’t keep them down. I lost my appetite and basically I survived off ice chips and I had a ginger ale.

This pregnancy has def given me a big new found respect for those mamas who have Hyperemesis gravidarum because Jesus can take the whole transmission (forget taking the wheel). People were showing up and I looked like pure shxt. I wasn’t dressed at all and was still running around preparing stuff. I eventually called it quits and went upstairs to get ready. I wasn’t as glammed up as I planned to be, but I made the best of things and fixed myself up the best I could with what little energy I had left, in order to conceal the way I was really feeling. Hubby felt bad because essentially I had to suffer through the party because I felt so bad, but I kept a smile on my face and was very happy to see my family and friends.

Here are some pics of the decorations from the gender reveal

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I kept the menu very simple but yet filling since we were feeding a crowd. The menu consisted of: baked Penne pasta, Hawaiian sweet rolls, pasta salad, regular salad, and cocktail meatballs. We picked up a few pizzas for the children who were attending. I wanted something a little different from the typical party foods since the reveal took place during the evening.

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We also had a sweets table that included: an assortment of candy, custom cookies, custom Rice Krispy treats, and cupcakes made by yours truly.

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Custom Rice Krispy Treats by: ARcloud Cakes . Cupcakes and sweets table set up done by me

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Custom cookies made by: The New York Cookie Boutique

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We also had beer, water with custom labels, and pink and blue sodas (Fanta).

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For games, I kept it simple. I utilized the internet and found a lot of printable ideas and also came up with a few of my own. I really don’t care too much for cliche games so we picked some challenging ones. One of the games, our guest had to take a piece of paper and a marker and place the paper on their foreheads and draw a portrait of our baby. Most of the portraits looked like they belonged in a lab somewhere in a Petri Dish.

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When it came time to actually reveal things, I opted for a confetti popper. I purchased the popper on Etsy.com from Poof There It Is.

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Then came the moment of truth….The BIG reveal…

There was one (or two) tiny details we left out about the gender reveal. We revealed the gender and we also revealed that we are in fact expecting TWINS!

We had a few people who had to leave early, but the party favors spilled the beans as well. So they weren’t left out of the surprise. The party favors were custom pub style drinking glasses that featured a girl version of the character Toad as well as the twin announcement.

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After the shock factor wore off, we thanked everyone for coming and for their generous gifts for our twincesses and their contributions to my booze stash!

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We couldn’t have asked for a better gender reveal despite the challenges we had to overcome!

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To the Mom Who Feels Like Giving Up

how toget moreAnother day has come and gone and you are beyond drained. You spent your day either working or being at home with the kiddos all day. You may have had your coffee piping hot, cold, or reheated in the microwave because you forgot all about the damn thing. You dealt with public tantrums, a million meltdowns at home, life bleachable moments, unwanted silence, meetings, crappy customers or coworkers, missed appointments, tears because you had to return to work, cluster breastfeeding, pumping milk only to spill it, forgetting that you used the last scoop of formula the night before and now you have to make a Target run. Completely forgetting about after school practice and projects, bullying, repeatedly cleaning a never-ending mess of toys, or finding old sippy cups with spoiled milk inside. You may have tried to leave on time to pick your kids up only to sit in horrible traffic and still was late picking them up, or you tried to time leaving the house at the right time to run your errands so you wouldn’t be at the end of the carpool line, or you got there right on time only for someone to cut you off in line.

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Being a mama comes with a lot of things and one of those things is some inevitable guilt at some point. As a mama, you likely end the day by telling yourself that you will do better tomorrow. A lot of times, you admittedly are a little ashamed about some of your mom behaviors such as wearing the same pair of yoga pants or leggings a few days in the row, skipping a shower,  not bothering to style your hair in any way outside of a messy bun or a nice head wrap, yelling at your kiddos, letting your kids eat cereal for dinner, letting laundry pile up, living out of a clothes basket, letting your kids eat off the floor or eat a booger or two because you are tired of saying “hey don’t do that” a million times. Declining yet another birthday party invite because you are just too damn tired and really don’t want to go, and overall just feeling like you want to lose your shxt.  You may sit and wish that you could be perfect for your children like other moms you see on T.V or social media. You are human and humans do sometimes fail at certain things. The biggest thing, is never giving up. Parenting is a learning experience. This is something that I constantly remind myself when I feel like giving up. Parenting is hard and rewarding at the same time.

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I believe that moms have this magical strength that allows them to still be as nurturing as they can all while endearing stress and fighting her own battles. For me those battles are anxiety and depression (End of year reflection:2017). When I am beyond drained, physically and mentally; nothing will stop me from trying to accommodate the needs of my children the best way I can at the time, and get shxt done.  A lot of times I think I am doing the right things all while not even being 100% sure that I am doing the right things because I am still learning. I have learned what works and doesn’t work and most of all I have learned to forgive myself when I make a parenting mistake such as not grabbing a thick enough jacket for them because I misjudged the weather and now they have the sniffles, or saying okay to just one more piece of candy that results in a tummy ache.

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Motherhood will have you at times feeling stuck with who you really are, what you should be, and who you want to be. Some days your routine may seem meaningless, sometimes your children may make you sad, but they are a big part of what makes you feel happy. I am not on a mission to give my children all of the things I never had because I want them to be more than I am. I let my children get bored, and I used to beat myself up about it because the other moms seemed like they were always engaged with their kids, and I immediately tried to think of ways to keep them entertained. Most of the times they turned out to not be really interested in what I came up with. Until one day I sat back and didn’t intervene. Their boredom forced them to be creative. I believe in being a real parent not a perfect parent. Being real takes a lot of frustration out of this whole mommy stuff.

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To the mom who feels like giving up, just know you are entitled to feel that way, but you are not entitled to give up because your children need you and you need them.

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