Tag Archives: marriage

E is for effort

Sometimes what we are most afraid of, we need the most to get better. The months seem to be speeding up yet going super slow. This shitty year is almost over. I found my mental health all over the place; but generally more good days than bad days. A lot of my recent issues are due to lack of effort.

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ef·​fort | \ ˈe-fərt  , -ˌfȯrt \

Some days it is hard to adult, mom, and wife all at the same time. The house was becoming a mess and so was I. I had to start putting in more effort to get my space out of chaos. I had to start putting in more effort into communicating when I am not ok and taking better care of me. I am not going to lie, when Covid start shutting things down it definitely triggered me. I had gotten back active, I had my body heading in the right direction, I was going to the gym 5 days per week and eating right. As months passed I gained a lot of the weight I worked hard to lose back. This made me unhappy and I fell into a pit of misery. I sulked and complained about my clothes no longer fitting and how much my back was giving me problems. I wasn’t eating right or doing shit in general to fix the issue. I tried working out at home but it was not fun or motivating. My beau bought me exercise equipment and I barely touched it. As time went on, I just stop giving a fuck. I stopped giving a fuck about a lot.

I really had to check myself when I gave a friend advice and soon after the conversation, I felt like a big ass hypocrite. How was it that I can motivate the hell out of other people, but here I am struggling with the shit myself?

My beau starting a new job was a big accomplishment this year. However, it came with a few lifestyle changes. We have had to get used to a lot. It seems like it was easier going from military to civilian versus going from the fire department to a “normal” career with a schedule that is less hectic. TBH, I kinda miss the chaos. Our new normal has a lot of good things about it which outweigh the shitty parts. We had to rearrange a few of our goals in the process. We found ourselves arguing and it got to the point were we stopped “dating”. We stopped spending quality time together, we started doing our own hobbies alone, we started to lose ourselves to our own devices.

For a while I had a fear of failure. I felt like I was failing as a wife and mom. My kids were having a terrible time with homeschooling at first and so was I. However, this is the best for them as individuals and for our family’s current schedule etc. My kids were not putting in the effort to complete their work without distractions, and I was not putting in enough effort to stay on top of everyone’s shit. I assumed they would hit the ground running. Sometimes as parents, we forget that children are not little adults. They are little humans who are learning. Just like adults hate major changes, kids do too. We had to take a break and figure things out collectively. I kept saying I am going to be more involved, I am going to do this and that. But the fear of failure and lack of effort made me my own worst enemy. The fear of failure is not always a bad thing though. Being afraid to fail keeps us from settling. It keeps us for settling for things that are just ok or good enough to get by. Not settling for shit plays a big part in being successful at things and putting your best foot forward. When something is good enough, the better thing is no longer an option because you settled.

Failing teaches important lessons. I know that I won’t succeed at parenting and other things all the time. However, I can try to control what I choose to do with the failure and decide if it truly was failure or a success. From my kids being home, I learned more about their individual learning styles. I found out more about things they are disinterested in and what they are more interested in and passionate about. I also learned how much alcohol and coffee fuels the day lol! I have readjusted my schedule, plans, and even several of my small businesses.

I have suffered a small number of personal embarrassments and a little bit of humiliation I handled myself in these moments ok, and used it as a wonderful lesson to strengthen my character, fuel my ambitions, and learned how to love harder. Everyone is going through something at the moment. When you really dig in and learn the truth about yourself, you will tap into how much integrity you possess or lack.

I have made more of an effort to listen to my children. Kids tell it like it is. Unfiltered truth about certain things and situations. Now my kids do say some off the wall shit from time to time that is hilarious, they also say things that hurt but have a well meaning message. My kids noticed that I had become inactive and that I wasn’t taking the best care of myself. That I wasn’t taking my anxiety and depression meds properly and that I seemed unhappy. This stung like hell. I took it as a big sign that I needed to get my shit together.

I was working on shit that didn’t inspire me anymore. I started cleaning up my friend’s list on social media and in real life. I had over 10k followers on IG and I ended up removing a lot of people who were following me or I was following them. Protect your peace. If someone does not add to your peace and happiness, if you feel a certain way when you see their post etc, delete them and move on. This may seem like a strange choice for a person like me who blogs and such and numbers mean a lot in that world. This started to mean less to me because it is always quality of quantity. I want people who want to genuinely follow me, follow along. I want those who truly want to support me support me. I have been working on defining my content, my Etsy shop, my body, my mind and my circle.

I start my days by reading an positive affirmation. I try not to begin my day on a negative note but it does happen from time to time. This can be due to not properly planning, rushing, procrastinating and not managing stress well. If you start your day off on a positive note and remember the good feelings, you will make a connection that you have set the tone and should try to maintain it for the rest of the day.

Make an effort to stop settling for less than you deserve. This can be relationships, friendships and careers. Use negative experiences as a way to define boundaries. If things always went our way, we would have no room to learn how to love and appreciate the things we have that are amazing while we have them.

WTF is a Quarter Life Crisis?

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I hit the big 30 last August and I am only 50 days away from my 31st trip around the sun. My emotions have been all over the place as well as my thoughts about where my future is headed. I have had to assume new roles, take on more responsibilities and adjust the expectations of my wants and needs. I look back on all of the degrees I have obtained and the careers I didn’t have, and suddenly felt like I sort of failed to reach goals that I set for myself years ago. I should have been almost done with med school or at least a PsyD program by now, but the twins threw that out the window (for now). Quarter life crisis happens when you are in your 20’s or early 30s and the soul searching and stresses of life really start to build up and manifest themselves. Most people who have these crises are highly driven individuals like myself. I have been struggling because I feel like I am falling behind and not reaching my full potential. This, unfortunately, is true for a lot of moms, especially stay at home moms.

When you think about a life crisis, you usually automatically think about older people. Ya know? Like the movie American Beauty. Kevin Spacey had a mid-life crisis. He started to work out, become defiant and overall tried to act younger; even going so far as to do the cliche thing of buying a sports car or old school muscle car. This by far is not a mid-life crisis. There is no divorce, moving to an island or buying a cute ass 2-seater. This is soul searching and truly rooting into the adult that I am officially becoming. This is realizing that I am not 20 anymore. I am a mom of 7 kids, a wife, and a super educated SAHM. This isn’t WHO I am though. I am still Breyona, the blunt, spunky, rattlesnake that is sweet as a cupcake and a boatload of fun (when I want to be). I am also Breyona who has anxiety and depression and needs a bit more motivating and encouragement at times to keep pushing forward. I am Breyona who had to learn to love her new postpartum body and belly that will never go back to “normal”. This is who I am. I could have decided to continue to sulk in my imagined and sometimes overexaggerated misery; but instead, I got up one day and said, “you know what? Fxck this shxt.

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I cut my hair completely off…..I know I said I wasn’t going to have another Britteny Spears moment, but guess what…I did. I did the big big chop. I was always terrified of cutting my hair off. I thought I HAD to always have long hair. Ya know, because long hair is kind of like a beauty standard for most. A sign of “good health” etc. Well for me it was a pain in the ass. It took forever to style which resulted in me wearing basic ass hairstyles and not wanting to be bothered with it and not taking care of it properly. I didn’t cut my hair because I was joining the natural hair movement. I cut my hair to liberate myself from the responsibility of having to fxck with it all the time and not liking what I saw in the mirror. I felt invincible when I took those clippers and cut all of my hair that was left off. TBH I have never felt more beautiful. I feel fxcking fantastic. I have been fortunate enough to be able to rock short or long hair and still look really cute. At first, I felt like I looked like a lil boy, but as it started to grow and I saw how easy it is having short hair with no cares, I fell in love. I fell in love with this shaved head of mine. I fell in love with being able to see all of my imperfections and not being able to cover up and hide my birthmark that is on my forehead that I had covered for years.

Before I chopped off all of my hair, I did something else I had always wanted to do but wasn’t sure if I was going to do it or not. I got my nipples pierced…..yup I got my cold detectors pierced. Now it was completely random when I got it done, but I am so in love with my boobs now yall! The baby making chapter of my life closed one year ago and so did the whole making milk to keep a tiny human being alive. I finally got MY body back. Me piercing my nipples officially closed that chapter for me…not getting my tubes tied, not my beau getting a vasectomy, but me getting my nipples pierced. Unlike permanent sterilization, you can not see it. It’s not very tangible. But my titty ornaments are seen every time I am in my birthday suit or have sexy time with my beau. I know there will be no more babies and I am 10000000% fine with that. My nipple piercings have allowed me to remember I am still sexy. I am still young and spunky. Some people find intimate piercings to be trashy or slutty but to each their own. Not to mention they have made sexy time…just omg extra extra extra amazing (It was already the bomb beforehand….we have 7 kids haha).

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Now that I have cut off my hair and pierced my tits, I have a physical reminder that I am fierce as hell and I spew confidence like I never have before. I walk with my head held higher and a little bit more pep in my step. Truth be told, I really needed this quarter-life crisis. Cutting off my hair and getting the piercing I have always wanted was the body positive shift that I was missing and needed. I was always worried about how my fupa looked but now I don’t pay that any attention since I have my new accessories. Now please keep in mind titty piercing hurt like a bxtch. If you don’t have a good pain tolerance this piercing is not for you. I got them both done the same day. Some people do one and back out on the other because it hurts so bad. I am not a quitter, so I took the pain and screamed like a baby gangster.

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One of the biggest things that I have noticed that contributes to quarter-life crises is comparison. Social media is the devil when it comes to comparing your life to others. We all do it at some point. It is more common than you think. You compare your progress in life to others…their careers, relationships, homes, cars, education, kids etc. Then you sit there like damn..what am I doing wrong? I am guilty of doing this with my body. 20s seemed to be about competition. Now that I am in my 30s, it’s all about living my best life and solidarity. My degrees don’t define me, nor does me being a stay at home mom and entrepreneur.  I am no longer wondering “There’s got be more to life than this?”.  Sometimes we think we have it all and sometimes there is still something missing.

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Finally, I have figured out what was missing and have spent the past year putting the pieces together. So my friends and savages, don’t be afraid of the quarter-life crisis…sometimes it is exactly the bxtch slap in the face you need to really start living and not just existing.

Until next time,Breyona

 

 

 

 

Open Letter To My Beau

Dear Zaine,

First off thank you for always keeping the toilet seat down. As a young girl I don’t think I ever dreamed much about marrying prince charming because I didn’t think that I would ever get married. My amazing husband, you are the man that decided to marry my crazy ass. I believe you have chosen well, not to toot my own horn. I love your scent of coffee, bacon, and burnt down houses when you come home from your shifts at the fire station. Your smile makes me smile. I also have to add that your constant comments about my ass is very motivating and your booty rubs are romantic. You are a real life super hero to me and you rarely ask for anything in return. You don’t complain (a lot lol) when you come home to a wrecked house or when I rant about having a bad day with the kids, and the days you have to deal with me and my issues. Instead, you take care of me and help me gather up my sanity and hold me together. Even after all these years of us being together, you continue to amaze me with your sense of humor, kindness, generosity, and love for me. You didn’t know this because you were unconscious, but when I had to sleep downstairs after the c-section, I watched you sleep and I told you how much I loved you. You slept on the floor next to me, while I slept on the couch. You never once complained or left me hanging. 20181027_121839

I watched you sleep like the creep that I am because sometimes I can’t believe that you are mine. I know my anxiety and depression causes me to think about the sadness we have shared sometimes, but I want to say thank you for continuing to fight with me and for me. Thank you for all of the kind things you have said and done to show me how much you love me and care about me. I can’t help but to feel special and consider myself lucky to have you in my life. I am lucky to have the world’s best guy as my best friend and husband. I love you so much and that will never change no matter how much you annoy me at times 🙂 20180811_221207

I appreciate everything about us being together. I cherish all the good times we have had and bad times where we had to be there for each other. The times when we have struggled and the times where we had to learn how to understand and love each other. Our relationship has become stronger than what we could have ever imagined. With each passing year, I have realized how much I have loved you and wanted you. You are truly my best friend and love of my life. You are my past, present and future. You are my hope, my indulgence, and my strength. You have also given me precious gifts that money can’t buy. These 7 gifts will always be treasured in my heart and memories which will always live within my soul. I love watching you be a father to our children and had plenty of fun making them (haha).  When I see you being a father, it makes me fall in love with you all over again. 20180625_214700

Thank you for always being there for me and listening to me even when I talk nonsense and rant. Thank you for encouraging me when I doubted myself and felt like giving up. Thank you for being my biggest supporter and cheerleader in every way. Thank you for joining the Army for the sake of fighting for our country and providing for our family. Thank you for working so very hard being a Firefighter/EMT to give us a comfortable life; even though it comes with the price of you missing holidays, special occasions, and milestones. You are one of the hardest working men that I know and I am so proud of you. You have worked diligently these past few years to obtain your engineering degree to give us a even better life and you are almost at the finish line! Resized_20181214_102041_85

I just want you to know that I see how hard you are working. I notice all of your efforts and it means the world to me. You mean the world to me.

Happy 32nd Birthday Babe!

Until next time,Breyona

The Lit Marriage: Doom in the Bedroom

Ways to maintain sex and intimacy after kids

So you spent all this time trying to avoid or achieve getting pregnant and then BOOM! You have a positive pregnancy test. Nine months fly by and then the stork delivers to you the biggest but cutest cxck blocker known to mankind…kids.

For some women, sex and intimacy goes out of the window with sleep, free time and peeing in peace when they have a baby and others it gets better. I have been asked a lot about this topic because everyone assumes that since we have a large family that we have this amazing sex life. Well, I am going to be real with y’all about it, it is pretty damn legit but requires a little more creativity and compromising. I have experienced some of the common issues with intimacy after babies (such as low self esteem due to the changes your body undergoes during pregnancy), but I was able to quickly resolve those issues. The biggest thing is being very realistic about things. Yes, kids change a lot of factors in regards to your life as a whole, and one of those things is sex. When you are married or in a relationship, pregnancy and beyond can impact your sex life greatly. It is something that happens but the initial approach to it will make a huge difference in it being positive or negative.

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Yes, you will hate your postpartum body…I don’t know too many people who are absolutely in love with it. I mean if you like the idea of your tummy looking like you are still expecting or like a smashed brain once it finally deflates then my friend you rock. For this mama, the postpartum stage is filled with lots of OMG look at my body, this is going to take forever to fix etc. For me this goes away within the first 6 weeks. Then you have to deal with all of the hormones being out of whack, adjusting to a new baby and his or her schedule, and juggling all other aspects of your life including your significant other. And then there is daddy….He may or may not be sensitive to this delicate time, but for them sleep deprivation or being well rested, 6 weeks seems like an eternity. Doctors recommend that you wait the full 6 weeks for them to give you the okay to make sexy time. Now, a few factors goes into this. The biggest one is how your delivery went. C-section, natural, being torn from the roota to the toota (front to back), stitches, you name it. I approach it as the same way I do exercise. When I am feeling up to it, start slow and work my way back up. Contrary to the popular judgemental belief, not everyone waits the six weeks to have sex. I haven’t each time, but that is me. I don’t recommend telling people what to do with their boom boom rooms, but that is between you, your significant other and your doctor.

Honestly, sex got better after having kids….

I am going to explain why it did. When you are actually trying for a baby, it is the most fraustrating shxt ever. It is time consuming tracking cycles, crying over negative tests, taking your temps etc; and although they say don’t stress and have fun, you usually stress and it becomes a chore. You are so focused on the window of opportunity that you forget the other reasons why you are making sexy time. Once that ship has sailed, it goes back to the old times where sex is recreational and fun.

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Now don’t get me wrong, you still have to have a strictly business approach because when you have kids, making sexy time is like race against time. How much time do you have before the dinosaur chicken nuggets are done and everyone is distracted watching a kiddie movie or show to get it in? Is this a long nap or short nap? I can go on and on. My beau said I got sexier to him when I had his kids. I feel the same way about him. When he became a father, his sexy meter went up. It was a new sense of him being a super provider and protector that sent my hormones in overdrive. Our bond is so much closer since we became parents. Not to mention I melt when I see him just being a dad. Playing with the kids etc, it makes me happy. They say happy wife happy life.

Things that put doom in the bedroom

Being bogged down with routines: Instead of you two being available to each others needs, you neglect each other for the needs of the child. Yes, make sure your child is taken care of and settled in, but sometimes it is okay for them to not be held the entire time while they sleep. If you are finding yourself “scheduling” sex, stop it right now. Be a little more creative. Spontaneity keeps that flame burning. One thing I like to do is we shower together (when I haven’t fallen asleep first, depending on how tired mama is). Bedtime is a good time for making sexy time happen. If you share a room with baby, then go to another room. If you co-sleep, safely barricade your little bundle of joy and skip to another room. I do not believe people when they say they “don’t have time for sex” once they have had kids. There is time you just have to use your time wisely when you have a chance. Wake your butt up earlier or go to bed later.

Not trying to keep the romance alive or being romantic: Juggling work and kids, school and kids, hell just life in general and kids can put a damper on romance. Flirt like you did before you had kids, send sexy texts to each other, surprise him with some new fragrances or lingerie when it is time for bed. If you are struggling with body image issues after having a baby, one thing that helped me is looking in the mirror and saying positive affirmations. I tell myself I love my body even when I don’t always feel that way.

Making your life all about your kids: Yes they are your life but no yours doesn’t have to stop. Trust me they will be okay. Don’t neglect your spouse because you have kids. There are ways to balance out your time and love. Neglecting sex and intimacy can cause you to have issues with yourself. This is apart of self care believe it or not.

Hormones and other things you can’t really control: Some women libidos take a nose dive after they have kids. There are some ways to boost it naturally that I will share in another post. Hormones can impact several portions of being a female after you have a baby. That is what lube is for my friend. Don’t be afraid to bring it into the bedroom. It makes things more comfy for you and your partner.

Criticizing yourself and your body: It’s hard but try to avoid this. You may not be bikini ready by textbook and social media standards right away, but learn to love what you have. For me I am a little self conscious afterwards so I have the lights off completely or low until I feel comfy again.

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Things that prevent or limit doom in the bedroom after kids

Be realistic and have realistic expectations: Your schedule will likely change so the normal uninterrupted times you were used to doing it are gone. Your hour marathon now is a 10-15 minute race. If you aren’t eager to jump back into the game make it known and it usually helps to explain why. Sometimes people don’t really get how you feel in the postpartum stage and it’s not so much you are being stingy with love or purposely rejecting your spouse. Communication is important. Be patient when you are not up for sex. Offer simple gestures of affection instead. It’s all normal and totally okay. If it hurts say so and stop and resume when you are able to engage at a comfortable level.

Quickies: Quality not quantity here. quickies become your new best friend when it comes to sex after kids. Some people don’t like quickies and prefer marathon sex, but I suggest you get used to quickies and make them count. The good thing about quickies is that you both know what you need to do to arrive at the party. That way you ensure you both will get your fix. Also being pressed for time can make you both desire each other more. Save the marathon sexy time for when you are kid free. Also woman to woman, don’t feel pressured to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable sexually. Yes try new things, but within comfort.

TTC Round 2-infinity: After you successfully have one kid and learn all of the what to expect shxt, when you are ready for round 2, 3, 4, 5 etc you know what changes to expect and how getting pregnant works and will be a little more relaxed about things and just go with the flow and let it happen how it happens. If you have other plans, I suggest you make sure your birth control method is reliable. The lack of stress makes respawning easier and less blah. You can actually enjoy each other without worries.

The 6 week wait: If you wait the 6 weeks, you can build up to the big moment again. You can be super flirty and get creative and do other things that don’t involve actually having sexy time. You don’t always have to have sex to be intimate. Massages and just making out are always nice.

Be intimate emotionally first: Reconnect with your spouse. You spent all of this time talking about babies and kids everyday, now it’s time to stop. Find other topics to explore. Most females like to be emotionally stimulated before they are physically stimulated. Someone once put it like this: girls are like crock pots, we take a little longer to heat up; boys are like microwaves, all they need is a little heat and they are ready. Being emotionally unavailable tends to kill sex and intimacy. Talk to your partner about things that may be bothering you such as your appearance and frustrations of being a parent. Find a balance. Venting and then being reassured about doubts etc can make a world of a difference. For me I used to make comments about my body changes and he always tells me that I am beautiful and that I am doing a good job.

Share the responsibilities: When you have children, sharing responsibilities and helping each other when caring for them tends to lead to mutual happiness. It has been proven in a few studies that when parents share responsibilities of caring for a child they have better sex. When the care is one sided, the resentment will set in and who is turned on by that?

Being creative: Again, within comfort. Explore. Redefine what sex and intimacy is for you and your spouse. This can be sensually touching, kissing, or exploring a new hobby together. Try different positions. Sometimes postpartum sex isn’t ideal for certain positions so you may have to try a few different ones to be comfy. Who knows you may discover your new favorite position!

Prepare in advance: If you know you are going to make sexy time happen, try to limit interruptions. Again, use your time wisely. Put the kiddos in do not disturb mode by setting up a movie and snacks, be sure to lock your door or barricade them safely in another room with a baby gate if they are tots. If you are breastfeeding make sure the feeding is done prior to or you have pumped especially since leaks can happen and when the boobies are full they tend to be a little on the uncomfy side being touched.

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Just like parenting, sex and intimacy after kids is a learning experience. You thought you knew what you were doing before kids but then afterwards this is a game changer. Just know that it does get better with time. Start slow mama and ease back into things.

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THE “LIT” MARRIAGE: DATE NIGHT IDEAS Part ii

fun Date Night Ideas that are free or cost effective (1)

If you are a millennial like me, going to the movies as a date is played out and pretty much not even fun anymore. With things like Red Box, Netflix and other streaming apps, and not to mention the crazy ticket prices for theaters; going to the movies is just not something that I consider to be fun anymore. Back in the day, going to the movies was the THING to do for a date. Dinner and a movie. Well the millennial generation created this thing called Netflix and chill and that killed the going to the movies vibe. Now some couples might still enjoy going to the movies. However for us, going to the movies is a family thing and usually involves us going to see a kids movie that we either A) Didn’t want to see to begin with but have to because we have 5 kids or B) We want to see it just as bad as the kids because we are kids ourselves at heart.

When you grow up and get to a certain point in your relationship, you have to start being creative. Now my last post dedicated to dating was in regards to having date night at home (The “lit” Marriage: Date Night Ideas). This piece will give you 10 date night ideas to start off with, and I will be sharing more as we go along my blogging journey because I have a TON of ideas to share!

  1. Beer tours & beer festivals : Pretty much anything that involves beer is always a win in my book! If you are in Atlanta, there are plenty of local breweries that have tours that you can go on. You can see how the beer is made and have a tasting as well. If you like it, you also have the option to purchase some! Fill up those growlers! Most states have craft breweries scattered about and all it takes is a quick Google search and boom! Instant lists of small breweries. Most breweries do tours on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays and a good bit do them on Mondays as well. Beer festivals are pretty easy to find as well via Facebook, Groupon and by searching Google. We attended one of our favorite annual events at our local zoo called Brew at the Zoo. The tickets were sold in advance and because we have a zoo membership (this is essential when you have kids), the tickets were discounted. We received a tasting cup and a list/map of all of the participating vendors. You could sample as little or much as you liked. It was a good time and by last call I had to be carried to the car by hubby. IMG_20170528_095004_601
  2. Exploring smaller cities/towns square aka downtown areas: The city that we live in has a cute little area that is called The Square by locals. There are several other connecting cities that have similar areas that offer cute little shops, diners and restaurants and great areas for pics! You never know, you might find your next favorite local spot to eat! IMG_20170714_155818_431
  3. Coffee Date: This is good for spur of the moment day dates and evening dates. I love Starbucks and coffee shops in general. That is no secret. The ambience is always cozy and if it is not too busy you might be able to score a nice spot in the corner or on the patio to sip and talk about life and other things. This also works great if you have little ones because you can get them a treat while you two enjoy your coffee. (Remember date night or date day doesn’t ALWAYS have to be an entire day or night or last hours. It can be something as quick and simple as this and still count! )IMG_20170706_170449_265

4. Paintballing: If you are not afraid of taking a few hits go paintballing. This is one of our favorite things to do. It is even better if you can get a group together to go. Bonus if it is other couples because then you can do guys against girls.

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5. Gun Range: If guns aren’t your thing then skip this. Going to the gun range can be a good learning experience. If you are new to shooting, most gun ranges offer classes. gunrange

6. Comedy show: We attended Sh!t-Faced Shakespeare at a local comedy club and the tickets were very affordable. I suggest checking Groupon for these kind of deals. We had a great time and it made for a great double date!commedytour.jpg

7. Escape Room: This might not be available in all states, but I know for sure it is in Atlanta. Basically you go to the place (better with a group) and you have to solve puzzles and riddles to gain more clues and escape the room within the time limit (usually 1 hour). Some places have different themes to choose from. This is great for working together and also finding out who is the real brains of the operation. Groupon! Groupon! Groupon! live-escape-game-1155620_960_720

8. Catch a sporting event: One of my FAVORITE things to do is catch a game. Whether it is baseball, football, soccer, wrestling, racing, etc you are always guaranteed to have a good time!  If you aren’t a big fan of sports, this can be a good bonding moment and also a chance for you to learn something new by letting your spouse explain the game to you and vice versa. Be open minded! 20170414_19103320170414_185600

9. Bar crawls: Very fun and great for group dates! Facebook and Groupon usually are the best places to find these. Most have a theme which makes it extra fun! Have a DD or use UBER/LYFT etc because you will likely need a safe ride home! 20170505_191950

10: Try a new restaurant: This kind of piggybacks off of exploring small local businesses. I love food! Trying new foods and restaurants always makes for an interesting experience. I remember the first time we tried Thai food and were caught off guard by the abundance of peanuts in the dish. We had fun throwing them at each other. You might stumble across the best (or worst) burgers in town but it will make for something to talk about. You can also role play like you are food critics and blame whoever idea it was to eat there if it sucks.20170429_173410

So that’s it for now! Just a few ideas with more to come! I hope you can use some of these to switch things up for a change. Be open minded and have fun! If you are going to an event where there is booze involved, always use good judgement, know your limits and make sure you have a safe way home!

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The “lit” Marriage: Date Night Ideas

Looking for some fun and cost effective date night ideas? Well look no further! I happen to be an expertise in this field because we have 5 kids and no designated full time babysitter! We have had to get very creative over the years and utilize things we have at home to have a great date night. Now we do get out sometimes and when we do, we don’t know how to act! These ideas cost little or next to nothing. You don’t always have to shell out money to have fun! We do drink a lot together (Don’t judge me). However, I am including sober options as well!

fun Date Night Ideas that are free or cost effective

 

  • Netflix & Chill: The very obvious go to date night in is usually Netflix & Chill. We all know what that really means lol. Jazz up your Netflix and Chill by making it themed. For example, we watched The God Father, so we had spaghetti with garlic bread and an Italian ices for dessert.
  • Game night: Play board games, card games, video games etc. Change the rules up! Make it fun! Have plenty of snacks on hand. We turned Battleship into a drinking game. It made for an interesting night and some laughs. There aren’t too many board games that are fun with just two people, but with some creativity you can change the rules and accommodate the two of you.
  • Karaoke: You don’t need a karaoke machine. All you need is YouTube. Just go onto YouTube and search for it “karaoke songs”. Having some drinks also makes this activity interesting.
  • Dance for each other: Yes girl! Bring out your inner stripper! If you are a guy reading this, think Magic Mike. Grab some Monopoly money and make it rain! Drinks usually help make this less awkward if you are shy. Dance like nobody is watching…even though they are but they love you; so even if you look like one of those inflatable people thingies with the flapping arms in front of the car dealerships it’s okay.
  • Make Smores: If you have a fire pit even better! Smores are a yummy gooey fun treat to make. They also pair well with Bailey’s Irish Cream liquor 🙂
  • Play Smash or Pass: Find pics of celebrities online for each other to rate
  • Try new foods: Now this can be as extreme as you would like. I play it safe and just buy random fruits that are at the farmer’s market
  • Play Iron Chef/Chopped: Pick random ingredients that you have in your kitchen or pantry and see who can make the best snack or dish with those ingredients.
  • Put together a model car: Model cars can be purchased for pretty cheap. This is where you will see who is the real brains of the operation.
  • Wine and beer tasting: Go to the store. Both of you pick out a beer or wine to try. We do this very often because we are into craft beers. It has given us something fun to do and we log what we have tried and if we liked it or not to keep track. Don’t play it safe! Try something outside of your norm.
  • Don’t laugh challenge: Determine how many jokes you are going to use. Write them down or save them. These will need to be Popsicle jokes. Ya know the corny ass ones? Sit facing each other. Take turns rambling off the jokes. The other person doesn’t need to answer, however if they laugh they have to drink. If you aren’t into drinking then you can just play for points.
  • Play Drunk Jenga: Purchase the game Jenga. Look up the rules for the drinking game Kings Cup. Take a sharpie and write on the Jenga pieces the different commands. Play Jenga as you normally would, but complete the commands on the blocks. If you knock the tower down you must finish your drink.
  • Build a fort!: Yes I took it back to childhood with this one! Who doesn’t like building a good fort!? Also makes for a cozy place for sexy time 🙂
  • Indoor picnic: This is usually my number one suggestion to my friends when they ask for date night ideas. You can make this themed as well! Finger foods only! Set everything up in the living room or the bedroom.
  • I want you to draw me like one of your French girls: Draw portraits of each other. If you have the extra money, grab some small canvases and acrylic paint and brushes, have some wine and make art! If not, grab some paper, pencil or crayons and draw each other picture. You don’t have to do this Titanic style but if you are into that kinda stuff….
  • Let him do your make up: Let your boo do your make up. You aren’t going anywhere anyway if it looks like total shxt. Be sure to take pics and have fun.

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For date night, I like to make things kind of buffet style as far as food goes if we aren’t ordering pizza or some kind of take out. Some ideas for this is a taco bar, burger bar, salad bar, or a sushi bar. I also like to include junk food galore, and of-course as mentioned earlier and numerous times in this post, some booze.

Now one of the critical aspects of date night is to make sure your little people or cxck blockers as some people call them don’t ruin things by constantly interrupting etc. Now in my previous blog post The “lit” Marriage: Never stop dating, I mentioned date night doesn’t have to be a whole night and it can be something short and simple such as taking a shower or bath together, smoking a Cuban cigar together, or sharing a dessert together after dinner etc. Since I am a mama with 5 cubs, someone always needs something or is getting into something.It never fails. So date night 80% of the time is at night and starts at bedtime. On date night the kids go to bed early. Now on those rare occasions when date night is date day instead, then I make sure everyone is preoccupied and settled in. Everyone is fed beforehand or have snacks pre-sorted and accessible. I usually go for easy self serve stuff. Movies are your friend. Set things up like a mini theater for them in one room with some popcorn etc and let them have a mini movie marathon. If it is late, I usually let them sleep in one room and tell them they are going camping for the night and they love it! Since we have a baby who is only a couple months old in our crew, she basically hangs out nearby lol. If we are doing something that will be a little noisy like karaoke, dancing etc then upstairs she goes and the baby monitor is the third wheel. Luckily, she has a nice schedule and sleeps through the night.

In some cases your kiddos aren’t going to leave you alone. So when this happens, I give them a job and let them participate some kind of way so that they can feel included, and send them on their way. If you are eating, you can let them be the “waiters”. If they are older and insist on hanging out, simply explain to them that you love them very much and like spending time with them, but sometimes mommy and daddy like to spend time alone and that you will do something with them another time/day.

Personally, I prefer date night not to feel rushed so I pre-plan. First whenever we want to have date night we usually act as if we are still just boyfriend and girlfriend. We ask each other out. It just makes it feel a little more normal and it’s super cute.

 

If your spouse works, ask via text and def hype things up to build the excitement! Pics are always nice too 🙂

 

Even though a lot of our dates are at home, I usually make an effort to still look cute. If I am tired as hell, then he knows to expect me to be in my disheveled date night attire.  Try to make it feel like a “real” date. Approach it in this way and you won’t miss going out too bad and things will feel normal.

Every girl wants a man in uniform

 

As a kid I loved the movie Top Gun and found myself obsessed with men in uniform.

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I watched practically like every military movie there is including the cult classic Full Metal Jacket.Movies about fire fighters and police officers, I was all over it. Something about those damn uniforms and ripped bodies and the prestigious nature of being apart of the military etc had me drooling!

Every girl wants a man in uniform…until she gets one.

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My beau wasn’t always in a uniform but when he got into one, our world changed. The economy tanking was the reason my husband enlisted active duty into the Army. I was turned on, proud and afraid all at the same time. The uniform symbolized protection and manliness; It also allowed me to make a bunch of new friends who were a part of a tight knit group. Having other women who I could relate to in my circle was amazing. Attending the special events, receiving discounts, and just the overall camaraderie among the families and servicemen was pretty cool.

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With that hot uniform, I quickly started to learn what downfalls came with it. Deployments, missing special occasions, loneliness, and at time frustration due to all of the paperwork involved. Our life with the Army was not as long as others, however we did get to experience a good chunk of what every military family goes through. Hubby had to leave when our oldest was only 2 weeks old. They prolonged him leaving until after I gave birth as long as they could. We were able to see him again when Cameron was 3 months old for a very short amount of time, but he had to return for a few more months before he was able to come back home again.

 

Excuse how I look, I was very emotional!

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The goodbyes sucked and never got easier. I kept myself preoccupied to make the time go by faster, even though it crept by. I had an amazing support system made up of family, friends, and fellow military spouses. We ended up closing the military chapter of our life and opened a new chapter. My beau became a fire fighter.

We traded camo, combat boots, dog tags and deployments

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for turn out gear, 24-48 hour shifts, fire, blood and guts.

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Now that hubby is a fire fighter, we don’t have to worry about deployments, but he still does miss out on special occasions sometimes, there are a few days out of the week that I am completely on my own for 24-48 hours at a time and I miss my best friend. With the uniforms comes sacrifices, making compromises and being flexible. It looks amazing, but has its’ shxtty qualities. Some women think that they want a man in uniform and end up not being able to handle what comes with it.

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The Army conditioned me to sort of accept and get used to the absence; so transitioning to the fire department schedule was a cake walk.  I learned that I can adapt easily, that I can do way more things than I thought I could such as putting things together and fixing stuff. Our kiddos understand that daddy has to go to work, we eat dinner alone some nights, and even spend some of the holidays apart Creating Holiday Memories. It doesn’t bother them as much as it used to because it is our normal. That uniform provides for our family and let’s us enjoy the things that we have.

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My beau is currently in school to become an industrial engineer, but is almost at the finish line! We will be trading out of standard issued uniforms for suit and ties and business casual attire.

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I am not going to lie I am going to miss the uniform but I def won’t miss the other things that came with it, but at least I get to look forward to seeing this come home everyday!