Don’t date someone with bipolar disorder they said…

Don’t date someone with bipolar disorder…I see it all the time online. But why not? Not all of us are terrible to be around but it can be difficult dating someone who has bipolar disorder; especially when you do not understand the disorder. Yes, it is a severe mental condition (I do not like to use mentally ill) but it is totally possible to live a fulfilling and functional life and have healthy relationships. Will it be easy? ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT.

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive disorder, is a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that can interfere with an individual’s daily life. These mood swings can range from intense feelings of elation or mania to episodes of depression and hopelessness.

There are two main types of bipolar disorder:

1. Bipolar I disorder: In this type, the person experiences at least one manic episode, which is characterized by elevated or irritable mood, increased energy, decreased need for sleep, and possibly, psychotic symptoms. The person may also experience depressive episodes.
2. Bipolar II disorder: In this type, the person experiences at least one depressive episode and one hypomanic episode, which is similar to a manic episode but less severe.

It’s important to note that bipolar disorder affects individuals differently, and it is not a one-size-fits-all situation. People with bipolar disorder can have stable and fulfilling relationships with partners who are supportive and understanding. However, bipolar disorder can present unique challenges in a relationship that can be difficult for some people to manage.

Managing bipolar disorder typically requires ongoing treatment and medication, and the individual may need to make certain lifestyle adjustments to manage their condition effectively. The person may also require additional emotional support and understanding from their partner during particularly challenging times.

Ultimately, the decision to date someone with bipolar disorder should be based on your own comfort level and ability to support the person through their ups and downs. If you feel that you are not equipped to provide the necessary support or that the relationship is negatively impacting your own mental health, it may be best to seek guidance from a mental health professional or just end the relationship.

Dating someone with bipolar disorder can suck let’s keep it real, but it’s also possible to have a happy and healthy relationship. It took me a while to figure out what was wrong with me and how to fix it. I do still have my moments but

Here are some tips when you are on the other side of the battle:

1. Educate yourself about bipolar disorder: Learn as much as you can about the disorder, its symptoms, and how it affects your partner. This will help you understand their behavior and offer support.
2. Communicate openly: Communication is key in any relationship, but it’s especially important when one partner has bipolar disorder. Encourage your partner to share their feelings with you, and be open and honest about your own.
3. Be patient: Living with bipolar disorder can be a rollercoaster ride, with highs and lows that can be unpredictable. Be patient with your partner and understand that they may need extra support during difficult times.
4. Encourage treatment: Encourage your partner to seek treatment, such as therapy and medication. Be supportive and attend appointments with them if they ask you to.
5. Take care of yourself: It’s important to take care of yourself as well as your partner. Make time for self-care activities and hobbies that help you relax and recharge.
6. Have a plan: Work together to create a plan for how to handle bipolar episodes. This could include strategies for managing symptoms, identifying triggers, and seeking help when needed.

Here are some things that people may not know about bipolar disorder:

1. It’s more than just mood swings: Bipolar disorder is not just a case of feeling happy one minute and sad the next. It is a complex mental health condition that affects a person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
2. There are different types: There are several types of bipolar disorder, including bipolar I, bipolar II, and cyclothymic disorder. Each type has different symptoms and severity levels.
3. It’s not just caused by external factors: While external factors like stress and trauma can trigger bipolar episodes, bipolar disorder is a complex condition that is influenced by genetic and neurochemical factors as well.
4. It can be treated: While there is no cure for bipolar disorder, it can be effectively managed with a combination of medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes. With the right treatment, many people with bipolar disorder are able to lead full and productive lives.
5. It affects everyone differently: Bipolar disorder affects each person differently. Some people experience more manic episodes, while others experience more depressive episodes. Some people experience both at the same time, while others experience periods of stability in between episodes.
6. It can be stigmatized: Unfortunately, there is still a lot of stigma surrounding bipolar disorder and mental illness in general. This can make it difficult for people with bipolar disorder to seek help and get the support they need.
7. It’s not a personal weakness: Bipolar disorder is not a personal weakness or character flaw. It is a medical condition that requires treatment and support.

It’s important to educate yourself about bipolar disorder and other mental health conditions in order to reduce stigma and support those who are affected. It’s more important to remember that individuals with mental illnesses are just that – individuals, and they should not be defined solely by their condition.

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Changes

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Finally I have gotten my shit together with this blog again. I know people would rather watch Youtube, listen to podcasts and such; but to be honest, that is just not me. I do a lot of videos on Instagram so that is the best place to catch my rants and raves. I prefer the old fashion way of blogging. I see a lot of you have stuck with me since 2016 and I appreciate it so much. So of course things look a bit different. There will be a few more changes as time goes on as far as content, the blog layout and more. I am pretty damn excited y’all!

It has been one month since hubby quit the fire department and started his new job working in his degree field of engineering. It has taken some getting use to with him being home every night. Mainly it has been an issue schedule wise for me because instead of 48-hours to get stuff done I have a few hours to get most of the house stuff taken care of, on top of running my businesses. We haven’t been eating dinner on time and that is something I have to really work on, especially with school starting back soon. Other counties are already back in, but we were pushed out. We went from starting August 3rd to starting Sept 8th. We will be doing school completely online. Including Kali…for Pre-K. Y’all just get ready for plenty of rants and such. This is Cameron’s last year of elementary school. It feels kind of weird that I am about to have a middle schooler in my house. The boys didn’t really care about going back in person, but toots who is ms. popular cried. *so dramatic* I know the kids aren’t happy being shut in like this but I do try to make them get off the electronics and go tf outside.

Roxy and Remy are advancing nicely now. Roxy talks more than Remy, but Remy is the mean one and also the one who picks up on and uses bad words. Her favorite bad word is Shxt. I know at the start of this blog it was more mom and family centered, but I decided it is time to re-purpose this thing more into a personal/lifestyle blog. I am basically treating this as my digital journal. You won’t find long drawn out bullshxt before you get to the recipes and shxt like that. You will continue to find realness as usual and basically continue to follow me on my path to mental wellness and more! I am still having my daily battles but more good day than bad days. In case you are new here, this is my diagnosis: MDD-Major Depressive Disorder, PMDD-Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, OCD-Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anxiety (both general and social). I take 5 medications per day. 3 in the morning and 2 at bedtime. The panic attacks still happen here and there but are more manageable than they have ever been. That is always a plus. I was plagued by them at one point in time. My visits are every 3 months with my psychiatrist and are virtual. They have been virtual before Covid because well…anxiety.

I tried my hand at succulents and I had so many. But because of me learning how to care for them and Roxy the plant slayer, I am down to about 9 or 10. I never thought I would get into plants but there is something calming about gardening *indoors because fxck bugs*. I find it relaxing when I care for them. My favorite plant of all that I own so far is the Majesty Palm. I have admired this plant for some time now and never bought one because they look intimidating. Not to mention the one I wanted was $60…so yeah I am trying my best not to kill big daddy. IDK y’all I have managed to keep 7 human beings alive and haven’t seemed to fxck them up too badly so I think there is hope for me and the succulents.

C is for coconut

CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT

Spelling coconut when you are doing the cowgirl position (aka riding) has been the hot topic lately. If you have been under a rock, they say when a girl is on top the trick to the cowgirl position is spelling the word COCONUT with your hips is supposed to be something magical. If you are like me, you are kind of lazy on top (don’t judge me). So I put this so-called coconut thing to the test. Let me tell you, it made my ass TIRED. I usually do things a bit differently when I handle business up top. I am not in shape for this shxt. You better pray you have good rhythm. I don’t suggest doing this hands-free. Use your hands for support.

So my experience with this went a little something like this:

Me and my beau had a few drinks one night and decided we were going to have sexy time. I stumbled into bed and we went at it. I was rolled on top and I froze. Then I got this bright idea that I had been seeing all over social media which was the coconut riding trick….Drunk me got on top and said, “ohhhh coconuts”. My beau replied, “coconuts? what?” and I attempted it and yeeah drunk me didn’t know how to spell coconuts and I got irritated and said, “this is stupid as fxck” and we both laughed and then changed positions.

IDK about you, but I am almost 31 and I know what I like and don’t like and what works and doesn’t works for us during sexy time…me spelling shxt while drunk…negative. Why it had to be coconuts? I know how to spell bananas even while not sober thanks to gwen stefani. If it aint broke don’t fix it. So ladies, no coconut for me but I will take my horse to the old town road and ride til I can’t no more!

WTF is a Quarter Life Crisis?

I hit the big 30 last August and I am only 50 days away from my 31st trip around the sun. My emotions have been all over the place as well as my thoughts about where my future is headed. I have had to assume new roles, take on more responsibilities and adjust the expectations of my wants and needs. I look back on all of the degrees I have obtained and the careers I didn’t have, and suddenly felt like I sort of failed to reach goals that I set for myself years ago. I should have been almost done with med school or at least a PsyD program by now, but the twins threw that out the window (for now). Quarter life crisis happens when you are in your 20’s or early 30s and the soul searching and stresses of life really start to build up and manifest themselves. Most people who have these crises are highly driven individuals like myself. I have been struggling because I feel like I am falling behind and not reaching my full potential. This, unfortunately, is true for a lot of moms, especially stay at home moms.

When you think about a life crisis, you usually automatically think about older people. Ya know? Like the movie American Beauty. Kevin Spacey had a mid-life crisis. He started to work out, become defiant and overall tried to act younger; even going so far as to do the cliche thing of buying a sports car or old school muscle car. This by far is not a mid-life crisis. There is no divorce, moving to an island or buying a cute ass 2-seater. This is soul searching and truly rooting into the adult that I am officially becoming. This is realizing that I am not 20 anymore. I am a mom of 7 kids, a wife, and a super educated SAHM. This isn’t WHO I am though. I am still Breyona, the blunt, spunky, rattlesnake that is sweet as a cupcake and a boatload of fun (when I want to be). I am also Breyona who has anxiety and depression and needs a bit more motivating and encouragement at times to keep pushing forward. I am Breyona who had to learn to love her new postpartum body and belly that will never go back to “normal”. This is who I am. I could have decided to continue to sulk in my imagined and sometimes overexaggerated misery; but instead, I got up one day and said, “you know what? Fxck this shxt.“

 

I cut my hair completely off…..I know I said I wasn’t going to have another Britteny Spears moment, but guess what…I did. I did the big big chop. I was always terrified of cutting my hair off. I thought I HAD to always have long hair. Ya know, because long hair is kind of like a beauty standard for most. A sign of “good health” etc. Well for me it was a pain in the ass. It took forever to style which resulted in me wearing basic ass hairstyles and not wanting to be bothered with it and not taking care of it properly. I didn’t cut my hair because I was joining the natural hair movement. I cut my hair to liberate myself from the responsibility of having to fxck with it all the time and not liking what I saw in the mirror. I felt invincible when I took those clippers and cut all of my hair that was left off. TBH I have never felt more beautiful. I feel fxcking fantastic. I have been fortunate enough to be able to rock short or long hair and still look really cute. At first, I felt like I looked like a lil boy, but as it started to grow and I saw how easy it is having short hair with no cares, I fell in love. I fell in love with this shaved head of mine. I fell in love with being able to see all of my imperfections and not being able to cover up and hide my birthmark that is on my forehead that I had covered for years.

Before I chopped off all of my hair, I did something else I had always wanted to do but wasn’t sure if I was going to do it or not. I got my nipples pierced…..yup I got my cold detectors pierced. Now it was completely random when I got it done, but I am so in love with my boobs now yall! The baby making chapter of my life closed one year ago and so did the whole making milk to keep a tiny human being alive. I finally got MY body back. Me piercing my nipples officially closed that chapter for me…not getting my tubes tied, not my beau getting a vasectomy, but me getting my nipples pierced. Unlike permanent sterilization, you can not see it. It’s not very tangible. But my titty ornaments are seen every time I am in my birthday suit or have sexy time with my beau. I know there will be no more babies and I am 10000000% fine with that. My nipple piercings have allowed me to remember I am still sexy. I am still young and spunky. Some people find intimate piercings to be trashy or slutty but to each their own. Not to mention they have made sexy time…just omg extra extra extra amazing (It was already the bomb beforehand….we have 7 kids haha).

Now that I have cut off my hair and pierced my tits, I have a physical reminder that I am fierce as hell and I spew confidence like I never have before. I walk with my head held higher and a little bit more pep in my step. Truth be told, I really needed this quarter-life crisis. Cutting off my hair and getting the piercing I have always wanted was the body positive shift that I was missing and needed. I was always worried about how my fupa looked but now I don’t pay that any attention since I have my new accessories. Now please keep in mind titty piercing hurt like a bxtch. If you don’t have a good pain tolerance this piercing is not for you. I got them both done the same day. Some people do one and back out on the other because it hurts so bad. I am not a quitter, so I took the pain and screamed like a baby gangster.

One of the biggest things that I have noticed that contributes to quarter-life crises is comparison. Social media is the devil when it comes to comparing your life to others. We all do it at some point. It is more common than you think. You compare your progress in life to others…their careers, relationships, homes, cars, education, kids etc. Then you sit there like damn..what am I doing wrong? I am guilty of doing this with my body. 20s seemed to be about competition. Now that I am in my 30s, it’s all about living my best life and solidarity. My degrees don’t define me, nor does me being a stay at home mom and entrepreneur.  I am no longer wondering “There’s got be more to life than this?”.  Sometimes we think we have it all and sometimes there is still something missing.

Finally, I have figured out what was missing and have spent the past year putting the pieces together. So my friends and savages, don’t be afraid of the quarter-life crisis…sometimes it is exactly the bxtch slap in the face you need to really start living and not just existing.

 

 

 

 

Open Letter To My Beau

Dear Zaine,

First off thank you for always keeping the toilet seat down. As a young girl I don’t think I ever dreamed much about marrying prince charming because I didn’t think that I would ever get married. My amazing husband, you are the man that decided to marry my crazy ass. I believe you have chosen well, not to toot my own horn. I love your scent of coffee, bacon, and burnt down houses when you come home from your shifts at the fire station. Your smile makes me smile. I also have to add that your constant comments about my ass is very motivating and your booty rubs are romantic. You are a real life super hero to me and you rarely ask for anything in return. You don’t complain (a lot lol) when you come home to a wrecked house or when I rant about having a bad day with the kids, and the days you have to deal with me and my issues. Instead, you take care of me and help me gather up my sanity and hold me together. Even after all these years of us being together, you continue to amaze me with your sense of humor, kindness, generosity, and love for me. You didn’t know this because you were unconscious, but when I had to sleep downstairs after the c-section, I watched you sleep and I told you how much I loved you. You slept on the floor next to me, while I slept on the couch. You never once complained or left me hanging.

I watched you sleep like the creep that I am because sometimes I can’t believe that you are mine. I know my anxiety and depression causes me to think about the sadness we have shared sometimes, but I want to say thank you for continuing to fight with me and for me. Thank you for all of the kind things you have said and done to show me how much you love me and care about me. I can’t help but to feel special and consider myself lucky to have you in my life. I am lucky to have the world’s best guy as my best friend and husband. I love you so much and that will never change no matter how much you annoy me at times 🙂

I appreciate everything about us being together. I cherish all the good times we have had and bad times where we had to be there for each other. The times when we have struggled and the times where we had to learn how to understand and love each other. Our relationship has become stronger than what we could have ever imagined. With each passing year, I have realized how much I have loved you and wanted you. You are truly my best friend and love of my life. You are my past, present and future. You are my hope, my indulgence, and my strength. You have also given me precious gifts that money can’t buy. These 7 gifts will always be treasured in my heart and memories which will always live within my soul. I love watching you be a father to our children and had plenty of fun making them (haha).  When I see you being a father, it makes me fall in love with you all over again. 

Thank you for always being there for me and listening to me even when I talk nonsense and rant. Thank you for encouraging me when I doubted myself and felt like giving up. Thank you for being my biggest supporter and cheerleader in every way. Thank you for joining the Army for the sake of fighting for our country and providing for our family. Thank you for working so very hard being a Firefighter/EMT to give us a comfortable life; even though it comes with the price of you missing holidays, special occasions, and milestones. You are one of the hardest working men that I know and I am so proud of you. You have worked diligently these past few years to obtain your engineering degree to give us a even better life and you are almost at the finish line!

I just want you to know that I see how hard you are working. I notice all of your efforts and it means the world to me. You mean the world to me.

Happy 32nd Birthday Babe!

To the Mom Who Feels Like Giving Up

Another day has come and gone and you are beyond drained. You spent your day either working or being at home with the kiddos all day. You may have had your coffee piping hot, cold, or reheated in the microwave because you forgot all about the damn thing. You dealt with public tantrums, a million meltdowns at home, life bleachable moments, unwanted silence, meetings, crappy customers or coworkers, missed appointments, tears because you had to return to work, cluster breastfeeding, pumping milk only to spill it, forgetting that you used the last scoop of formula the night before and now you have to make a Target run. Completely forgetting about after school practice and projects, bullying, repeatedly cleaning a never-ending mess of toys, or finding old sippy cups with spoiled milk inside. You may have tried to leave on time to pick your kids up only to sit in horrible traffic and still was late picking them up, or you tried to time leaving the house at the right time to run your errands so you wouldn’t be at the end of the carpool line, or you got there right on time only for someone to cut you off in line.

Being a mama comes with a lot of things and one of those things is some inevitable guilt at some point. As a mama, you likely end the day by telling yourself that you will do better tomorrow. A lot of times, you admittedly are a little ashamed about some of your mom behaviors such as wearing the same pair of yoga pants or leggings a few days in the row, skipping a shower,  not bothering to style your hair in any way outside of a messy bun or a nice head wrap, yelling at your kiddos, letting your kids eat cereal for dinner, letting laundry pile up, living out of a clothes basket, letting your kids eat off the floor or eat a booger or two because you are tired of saying “hey don’t do that” a million times. Declining yet another birthday party invite because you are just too damn tired and really don’t want to go, and overall just feeling like you want to lose your shxt.  You may sit and wish that you could be perfect for your children like other moms you see on T.V or social media. You are human and humans do sometimes fail at certain things. The biggest thing, is never giving up. Parenting is a learning experience. This is something that I constantly remind myself when I feel like giving up. Parenting is hard and rewarding at the same time.

I believe that moms have this magical strength that allows them to still be as nurturing as they can all while endearing stress and fighting her own battles. For me those battles are anxiety and depression (End of year reflection:2017). When I am beyond drained, physically and mentally; nothing will stop me from trying to accommodate the needs of my children the best way I can at the time, and get shxt done.  A lot of times I think I am doing the right things all while not even being 100% sure that I am doing the right things because I am still learning. I have learned what works and doesn’t work and most of all I have learned to forgive myself when I make a parenting mistake such as not grabbing a thick enough jacket for them because I misjudged the weather and now they have the sniffles, or saying okay to just one more piece of candy that results in a tummy ache.

Motherhood will have you at times feeling stuck with who you really are, what you should be, and who you want to be. Some days your routine may seem meaningless, sometimes your children may make you sad, but they are a big part of what makes you feel happy. I am not on a mission to give my children all of the things I never had because I want them to be more than I am. I let my children get bored, and I used to beat myself up about it because the other moms seemed like they were always engaged with their kids, and I immediately tried to think of ways to keep them entertained. Most of the times they turned out to not be really interested in what I came up with. Until one day I sat back and didn’t intervene. Their boredom forced them to be creative. I believe in being a real parent not a perfect parent. Being real takes a lot of frustration out of this whole mommy stuff.

To the mom who feels like giving up, just know you are entitled to feel that way, but you are not entitled to give up because your children need you and you need them.