The Importance of Maternal Mental Health

Motherhood is often portrayed as a time of joy and fulfillment, but the reality is that it can be a challenging, stressful, and sometimes traumatic experience. One of the biggest challenges that mothers face is maintaining good mental health. In this blog post, I will discuss the importance of maternal mental health, the common mental health issues that mothers face, and strategies for promoting good mental health during and after pregnancy.

Maternal mental health is critical for the well-being of both the mother and her child. Research has shown that maternal depression and anxiety can have negative effects on child development, including cognitive, social, and emotional outcomes. Mothers who struggle with mental health issues may have difficulty bonding with their children, providing adequate care, and responding to their children’s needs. Additionally, maternal mental health can have a significant impact on the physical health of both mother and child, as stress and anxiety can lead to a host of physical health problems.

Common Mental Health Issues in Mothers

Depression and anxiety are the most common mental health issues that mothers face. Postpartum depression affects up to 20% of new mothers, and symptoms can include feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and guilt, as well as difficulty sleeping, eating, and caring for the baby. Postpartum anxiety is also common and can manifest as excessive worry, panic attacks, and obsessive-compulsive behaviors. If you experienced anxiety in depression before pregnancy, you are at risk of developing postpartum depression or worsening existing mental disorders.

Other mental health issues that mothers may face include bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and eating disorders. It is essential to recognize that mental health issues can occur at any point during motherhood, from pregnancy to the postpartum period and beyond. Personally, I have experienced postpartum depression but also I had been previously diagnosed with bipolar disorder, anxiety, PTSD, and OCD before having children.

Strategies that worked for me in promoting better maternal mental health

There are several strategies that moms can use to promote good mental health during and after pregnancy. These include:

1. Seeking support: One of the most important things that moms can do is to seek support from family, friends, and healthcare providers. Joining a support group or talking to a therapist can also be helpful.
2. Practicing self-care: Mothers should prioritize self-care activities, such as exercise, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep. It is also important to set aside time for hobbies and other activities that bring joy and relaxation. Self-care isn’t always bath salts and pedicures.
3. Managing stress: Stress management techniques, such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing, and yoga, can be helpful in reducing stress and promoting relaxation.
4. Building a support network: Moms should work to build a support network of other mothers, as well as friends and family members who can offer practical and emotional support. There needs to be boundaries and confidentiality. Be mindful of who you confide in.
5. Knowing when to seek professional help: It is important to seek professional help if symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues persist or interfere with daily life or if you begin to have thoughts of hurting yourself or others. If you are prescribed meds, take the damn meds and fuck what other people think about it.

In conclusion, maternal mental health is essential and moms should prioritize self-care, seek support from healthcare providers and loved ones, and know when to seek professional help if needed. I know what it is like to not have support, and also what it is like to have amazing support. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Just know that by taking steps to promote good mental health, you can better enjoy the joys of motherhood and provide your child(ren) with the care and support they need to thrive and that in itself is something to be proud of on top of putting yourself first.

I am rooting for ya mama!

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Back at it again!

Aww yes! It has been a good almost 11ish years since I held down a regular job that didn’t involve me being an entrepreneur. I was a part of the mommy drain (not returning back to work after having a baby). After establishing several successful businesses and a good chunk of my kiddos are going to school, I often wondered if I would ever return back to the corporate world? especially after I finished my education. We all know being a SAHM ( or SAHD) is its own challenge in itself, but add in working from home…the party really gets wild. For a lot of people, Covid forced parents who worked outside the home to suddenly become WAH parents. For us, this didn’t apply because I was already a SAHM.

I knew this day would come because originally I never wanted to be as they would say “just” a SAHM. I think I worked harder than I ever have being a SAHM and being self-employed. I enjoyed having career and adult interaction. Being a stay-at-home mom can be lonely at times and can impact mental health especially if the person had an abrupt lifestyle change. This is in no way to shit on being a SAHM because trust me it has had a lot of perks. Did I always enjoy it? fxck no! but I am also glad I was able to comfortably enjoy it at the same time. So after some back and forth, chats with my beau, and trying to really figure out what I wanted to do…One day I just said to hell with it, and I took a leap and revamped my resume and started slanging applications in all directions. However, I was adamant…if I could not work from home I was not interested in returning back to the corporate world. The conditions had to be really RIGHT or close to PERFECT for me to give up my SAHM lifestyle. Now if you have been following me forever, then you may be surprised that I am returning back to work.

I think I put in a million applications and got discouraged at one point (ok several points). My husband at first wasn’t really feeling the idea. To my surprise, I landed several job interviews quickly. Some were not a good fit at all and I had to decline. Yes, some companies were not cool with the fact that I have basically been off the grid doing my own thing forever, and some were intimidated by me having an advanced education for some of the more entry-level careers that only required a bachelor’s. It is widely known that companies do not favor people who have taken significant time off to care for their homes and families, so you have got to really sell yourself! I was determined to find something that would value my worth, compensate me well for it, and respect my wishes to maintain as close to the lifestyle I am used to within reason. Now my first few interviews I totally bombed those because I was def out of touch with the process lol!

10 tips for returning

back to work as a WAHM

• Utilize social media to connect with other moms who work from home. NETWORK! They may have job leads! Pick their brain, ask questions to get an idea of what to expect, and maybe do some things to try to make the transition easier. It is always nice to have someone to relate to. I am a member of several SAHM groups, but when I solidified my decision to return back to work I joined a few. They are def different from SAHM groups just a heads up.
• If you are returning back on your own terms def do not pick something that you know you will dislike. For example sales. Yes, sales jobs are very easy to get with no experience for some companies but selling things by cold calling or leads is not for everyone. Try to scout out jobs or positions you feel will be fulfilling and enjoyable. Do not become desperate for a job. Stay focused and try to target jobs that really align with your background and skill level. Be open to trying something new within reason.
• If you have a baby or smaller children who may be noisy etc, opt for positions that do not require or have limited phone interactions. There are jobs that are remote that are text, chat, or e-mail based but beware they are hard to come by and usually do not pay well. Most companies presently are okay with the fact that people have small children and other obligations and will work with you.
• There will be disruptions. Hello KIDS (and pets)! Try to limit distractions and disruptions by planning ahead. If you are in control of your schedule, opt for working during naptime if you can. Make sure kids are settled, changed, fed, etc.
• CREATE A SCHEDULE AND TRY TRY TRY TO STICK TO IT! Try to start the day the same way on the days you work. You both will need to be on a schedule. Checking emails, meetings, Movie time, snack time, lunchtime, nap time, etc.
• If you are uptight about screen time, this is the time to get tf over it. Screen time isn’t all that bad. It’s the content. This is just my opinion, but your kiddos will def utilize screen time a lot while you are working to stay occupied and quieter.
• Make a to-do list that is doable and reasonable. Laundry, cleaning, etc. Don’t overwhelm yourself trying to do it all in one day.
• If you have access to a helping hand, accept the help.
• When your attention is divided between your laptop and your kiddos, it is easy to lose track of time. Use your time wisely and pay attention to the clock. Try to limit the temptation of social media during production time. There are apps that can help with this if you need help not accessing them during certain times of the day.
• Don’t be too hard on yourself and set boundaries. Easier said than done. You may think you can do it all and try to prove that you can. Don’t be unrealistic. This is not healthy behavior and will surely ruin your work/life balance. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get everything done. Being a WAHM may have its perks and conveniences, but like being a SAHM it is not easy. Accept you will still be a busy and sometimes tired human.

If you are deciding to return back to work as a WAHM after being a stay-at-home mom, just know the process may be frustrating and take weeks or months; but once you find your right gig, you can make a way! Think about it, you made a way to survive off one income for this long and take care of tiny humans, etc. alone each day. Support being a SAHM is important for success, and support is a big key to success with this new adventure of being a WAHM. We will see how this goes!

Phoenix Series: Snap Out Of It

“I never believed in mental illness until it happened to me.”

This is something I have heard a few times from different people when they speak about their condition. This doesn’t apply to me, however. I always knew it was a real thing. I always knew there was something going on with me, but I was never really clear on what it was. Diagnosing mental illnesses is very tricky. It is not like diagnosing someone with the flu etc. It takes time and lots of documentation. Before I decided it was time to go back to the doctor last year, everyone had their advice on what I should do. Don’t tell people they need to exercise, use herbal remedies etc. Encourage them to seek help from a mental health professional. Being told it could be worse is very discouraging because you feel like you are being compared to someone else or that you are a weak individual. I am not ashamed of my story because it may inspire others to get the help they truly need and deserve. I used to find myself telling people I was sick when I was having a bad day because it was easier for my friends and associates to understand me having a cold versus me trying to explain depression & anxiety.

The deepest pain I remember feeling before I started to open up about my condition was denying that I even had something wrong with me to make everyone else feel better and more comfortable around me. I didn’t want to be looked at as a charity case or as a Debbie Downer. I also learned that anxiety really sucks and happens sometimes for no reason. I can’t recover by staying calm or breathing. I actually need the assistance of medication to limit and avoid having panic attacks. I have social and general anxiety according to my doctor. Personally, I think it is more social. Recovering from depression is more than having positive vibes. If it was that simple then no one would suffer from it. People who have mental illnesses are not weak individuals. They are very strong people even if they handle emotions differently than you do. I fight to work, take care of my family, be there for my friends, act normal, etc when I am having an episode. It is dealing with invisible pain. It’s more exhausting acting like you don’t have a mental illness, than dealing with it and treating it. Don’t do that to yourself. Stop hiding.

Having anxiety and depression comes as a package deal. Some people would consider this as baggage. It takes a very caring and patient person to care for a person who has a mental illness. I learned that when your body is sick you get all types of sympathy…except for when your brain isn’t working properly and you have depression. It was a very frustrating time in our marriage with me trying to explain how I felt and what was going on in my head to my beau. He thought he could fix me. Hell, we both thought we could fix me. I would be okay for a while but then I would get triggered and have a mental meltdown. This happened once a month and then it started to happen more frequently. The panic attacks became my normal whenever I needed to leave the house. I shopped at Target multiple times per week to avoid the busy times and crowds. Whenever lines are long I get anxious and want to bail out. I am impatient.

Whenever we go to a restaurant I must sit where I can clearly see the door. I don’t like my food to touch, I can’t stand hearing people smack and chew their food, I have a bad habit of cutting people off when they talk (I have gotten better about this), if I can’t get ahold of you or it’s been a while since I talked to you I start thinking the worst. I can’t help it. Even if I trust you with my soul I will still get anxious. The meds help with all of that including the little bit of OCD that I have. The meds help me chill out and not be in flight or fight mode 24-7. The meds help me not look at everything and everyone as a threat. I don’t worry so much to the point where it makes my tummy hurt anymore. I don’t get nervous when I have to go to crowded places to the point that I want to puke anymore. I avoided parties and other social gatherings for a while because mentally I just couldn’t handle it during my meltdown periods.

Once my beau educated himself on my condition, he was able to understand things better and how to approach the situation. I love him for wanting to understand and help me. I know my beau loves me very much and wants me to be happy. I am very lucky to have him by my side and have him fighting for me and with me. I am not in this alone. Support goes a long way. My close friends always check on me and ask about my appointments. They ask how am I feeling. They all know the cues of when something is wrong. For a while, everyone suspected something but didn’t want to ask. Once I put it out there I think we all felt more comfortable about it. When you have a mental illness you have to have people rooting for you. You need that village. When I have a panic attack, my heart races, I tremble, I feel like I am going to puke and I feel scared. I want to leave wherever I am at. People saying they were going to have a panic attack as a joke about inconveniences of life makes it harder for those of us who do truly experience them to be taken seriously.

Unfortunately, anxiety and depression are very misunderstood. Sadly, getting help for mental health issues is so inconvenient and hard in America. I have been through several doctors etc before finding a decent one. I am also my own worst enemy because I am very knowledgeable about psychology and medical stuff. When we were looking for me a new doctor so that I could get back on meds, it took a week of calling around to pinpoint the right doctors that fit our insurance coverage. Then the majority of those doctors were not accepting new patients…..hello!? I am being proactive trying to fix me and you won’t even see me!? Sure if it’s an emergency they will just check you into a mental institution. Anyway, after finding two doctors, my first choice staff was very rude and nobody would answer or call back. Finally a week later they called me back and said that I could be seen as a new patient in 3 weeks… 3 fxcking weeks. My second choice called me back within a week and I was able to be seen that following week. I am still under the care of my second choice. With this doctor, I have the option under my insurance coverage to do telehealth. Telehealth is when your doctor can see you remotely. You don’t go in person to your appointments. You are able to call or video chat. You must be deemed stable. This practice requires you to have 3 or 4 in-person visits or be deemed stable to qualify for telehealth.

I have been going in person since November of 2018. I am very close to being deemed stable so that I can do telehealth. The only reason I have not been able to sooner is that we had to figure out the right combination of medications (I will talk about that in another post).

Here are some stats and faqs about mental illnesses in the United States

• 1 in every 5 adults will be diagnosed with a mental disorder at some point in their life.
• 1 in every 24 adults will be diagnosed with a serious mental disorder.
• 1 in every 12 adults has a substance abuse problem.
• Most chronic mental disorders appear by the time a person turns 14.
• Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death for all ages and is more common than murders.
• People who have a mental disorder are not more likely to become violent than those who do not have a mental disorder. People with mental disorders are more likely to be victims of crimes and not the perpetrator.
• Every 12.8 minutes someone dies by committing suicide in America.
• 90 percent of those who commit suicide had a mental health issue that could be diagnosed.

Suicidal ideation is usually a common symptom that a lot of people with mental health issues encounter at some point. I have been there personally. I found myself joking about it in a way to lessen the dark times I was experiencing. It was a valid expression of my emotions and felt right and the only option. Making jokes about it created the thoughts about it and the cycle continued. I scared the shxt out of myself at one point in time. I wrote a note and everything. Thought about how I was going to do it etc. I broke down in tears. I am not going into details about that but I was saved…hearing someone’s voice saved me…and I will forever be thankful for that split second that made me snap out of it because it saved my life. I found better ways to express myself. Part of the mental health stigma problem is words. Being more mindful of our language is a small step in erasing the stigma. Words hold a lot of power. Words can create stigma or save a life.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255

Available 24 hours everyday

Live For The Moments You Can Not Put In Words

 I really LOATHE when people just assume that being a mom and all things momming are my entire life. I do have a life outside of (7) kids.  Life did not stop when I became a mom. But…at one point it kinda did and guess what? Anxiety, depression and motherhood don’t mesh well together. I can not stress enough to other mamas to take care of your mental health.

It is a struggle being whole to everyone else when you are not whole for yourself. Recently the panic attacks have been happening a little more often than what I would like (hence the silence on the blog a little), this is partly from my whole experience of my babes being in the NICU and worrying about things. No one tells you that certain things related to the NICU don’t stop once the baby graduates out of it.  Did they burp enough? Are they getting too comfy while they eat? Can I switch from preemie nipples now? Are the bottles sterile enough? the list goes on and on. This time around a lot of things are purely baby led and it’s pretty cool just requires patience.

I have found a few things that seem to work great for managing my anxiety and depression. I have also been sharing these things with people who reach out for advice who have the same condition. I have taken pieces of advice from them as well. I have a set plan for management, but like with any routine such as hair care, skin care, diets, etc you have to switch it up after a while. You get immune to it. I have had to have a few mommy time outs when the kids are being complete turds behavior wise, the house is a mess, I am exhausted because of Twin A’s crazy sleep patterns and My Beau’s work schedule.  A mommy time out is where I remove myself from the parental atmosphere to clear my head and take a breather. I strap the twins in their rockers, put up the baby gates and tell the oldest two I am stepping outside for a sec and keep an eye on things. It is recharging and refocusing.

During one of my moments, I had what I affectionately call my “2007 Britney Spears moment” and I cut off my hair

I did this last month (August). I wanted a new “identity” I wanted a fresh start so to speak. Okay so it wasn’t that drastic, but still you get the point.

 

I usually sit on our back porch (until a spawn of Satan aka a bug) tries to be friends then it’s back in the house I go. If it is at night, I have the oldest watch the babies and I run a nice Epsom salt bath or take a shower. The times where I feel a panic attack coming on, I have to redirect my attention to something else. I grab a snack or play a word game on my phone. My Beau purchased me a Cricut Explore Air 2 for my birthday, so this has really been great for me so far. It gives me something else to do. I have found some of the craft making to be somewhat therapeutic.

I have been transforming my nervous energy into being productive instead of just sulking. However, I am not going to lie… sometimes I get frustrated and want to throw shxt.  I don’t know if you believe in zodiac related shxt, but I do. I am a Virgo. We tend to be perfectionist. It is a blessing and a curse. I really had to learn over time that perfect is not ideal. I like being okay and well. I guess the best way to describe my anxiety and depression is I am predictable in my own unpredictability. I like the direction I am headed and I am excited about all of the great things that are happening and this new journey I am on since I turned 30. If you love life, it will love you back.

Taking time away from motherhood doesn’t make you a bad mom. Taking charge of your mental health is one of the most selfless selfish things I think a person can do. Growth doesn’t happen without provocations. Never forget that.

 

To the Mom Who Feels Like Giving Up

Another day has come and gone and you are beyond drained. You spent your day either working or being at home with the kiddos all day. You may have had your coffee piping hot, cold, or reheated in the microwave because you forgot all about the damn thing. You dealt with public tantrums, a million meltdowns at home, life bleachable moments, unwanted silence, meetings, crappy customers or coworkers, missed appointments, tears because you had to return to work, cluster breastfeeding, pumping milk only to spill it, forgetting that you used the last scoop of formula the night before and now you have to make a Target run. Completely forgetting about after school practice and projects, bullying, repeatedly cleaning a never-ending mess of toys, or finding old sippy cups with spoiled milk inside. You may have tried to leave on time to pick your kids up only to sit in horrible traffic and still was late picking them up, or you tried to time leaving the house at the right time to run your errands so you wouldn’t be at the end of the carpool line, or you got there right on time only for someone to cut you off in line.

Being a mama comes with a lot of things and one of those things is some inevitable guilt at some point. As a mama, you likely end the day by telling yourself that you will do better tomorrow. A lot of times, you admittedly are a little ashamed about some of your mom behaviors such as wearing the same pair of yoga pants or leggings a few days in the row, skipping a shower,  not bothering to style your hair in any way outside of a messy bun or a nice head wrap, yelling at your kiddos, letting your kids eat cereal for dinner, letting laundry pile up, living out of a clothes basket, letting your kids eat off the floor or eat a booger or two because you are tired of saying “hey don’t do that” a million times. Declining yet another birthday party invite because you are just too damn tired and really don’t want to go, and overall just feeling like you want to lose your shxt.  You may sit and wish that you could be perfect for your children like other moms you see on T.V or social media. You are human and humans do sometimes fail at certain things. The biggest thing, is never giving up. Parenting is a learning experience. This is something that I constantly remind myself when I feel like giving up. Parenting is hard and rewarding at the same time.

I believe that moms have this magical strength that allows them to still be as nurturing as they can all while endearing stress and fighting her own battles. For me those battles are anxiety and depression (End of year reflection:2017). When I am beyond drained, physically and mentally; nothing will stop me from trying to accommodate the needs of my children the best way I can at the time, and get shxt done.  A lot of times I think I am doing the right things all while not even being 100% sure that I am doing the right things because I am still learning. I have learned what works and doesn’t work and most of all I have learned to forgive myself when I make a parenting mistake such as not grabbing a thick enough jacket for them because I misjudged the weather and now they have the sniffles, or saying okay to just one more piece of candy that results in a tummy ache.

Motherhood will have you at times feeling stuck with who you really are, what you should be, and who you want to be. Some days your routine may seem meaningless, sometimes your children may make you sad, but they are a big part of what makes you feel happy. I am not on a mission to give my children all of the things I never had because I want them to be more than I am. I let my children get bored, and I used to beat myself up about it because the other moms seemed like they were always engaged with their kids, and I immediately tried to think of ways to keep them entertained. Most of the times they turned out to not be really interested in what I came up with. Until one day I sat back and didn’t intervene. Their boredom forced them to be creative. I believe in being a real parent not a perfect parent. Being real takes a lot of frustration out of this whole mommy stuff.

To the mom who feels like giving up, just know you are entitled to feel that way, but you are not entitled to give up because your children need you and you need them.