The Recipe for growth and love

Marriage is a union between two people that requires effort and commitment to maintaining. A healthy marriage is built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. Maintaining a healthy marriage requires work from both partners, and it is essential to make an effort to keep the marriage strong and thriving. I will discuss some strategies that you can use to maintain a healthy and long-lasting marriage that have worked for me.

Communication is the foundation of a healthy marriage. Good communication means being able to express yourself honestly and listening to your partner. When couples communicate effectively, they are better able to understand each other’s needs and concerns. They can discuss problems openly and find solutions together. Couples should make time to talk with each other regularly, share their feelings and thoughts, and listen to each other without judgment. They should avoid blaming or criticizing each other and instead focus on finding ways to work together to address issues. Easier said than done.

Trust is another crucial element of a healthy marriage. Trust is built over time and is essential for a successful relationship. Couples should be honest with each other and keep their promises. Trusting each other means being able to rely on each other and having confidence in each other’s decisions. Couples should make an effort to keep their commitments and avoid breaking their partner’s trust. If trust has been broken, try to work together to repair it by being honest, taking responsibility for your actions, and making amends. This goes sideways for a lot of people because if you choose to forgive you have to FORGIVE AND FORGET. That means do not bring it up during arguments etc. It is not fair that the trust was broken but it is not fair to say that you forgive someone then continuously beat them down every chance you get over a mistake that was made. This hinders the healing process reliving the trauma over and over again.

Respect is also vital in a healthy marriage. Couples should treat each other with kindness, consideration, and respect. They should avoid criticizing, belittling, or insulting each other. Couples should value each other’s opinions and show appreciation for each other’s contributions to the relationship. It is not a dick measuring contest. By respecting each other, you can build a strong foundation for their marriage.

Another essential factor in maintaining a healthy marriage is intimacy. Physical intimacy is an important part of a romantic relationship, and couples should make an effort to keep their relationship intimate. This is not just about sex. You should make time for each other, be affectionate, and show your love through physical touch. This can be hugging, holding hands, pats on the booty, a hand on the shoulder…..Couples should also be open to exploring each other’s desires and preferences to enhance their intimacy within respectable boundaries.

Finally, couples should make time for each other and prioritize their relationship. With busy schedules, kids, and other commitments, it can be easy for couples to neglect their relationship. Couples should make an effort to spend quality time together, put each other first, engage in activities that they enjoy, and create new shared experiences. They should also take care of their own emotional and physical well-being, which can contribute to a healthier relationship.

In conclusion, maintaining a healthy marriage requires effort and commitment from both partners. Communication, trust, respect, intimacy, and prioritization are crucial elements of a successful relationship. By making an effort to build these elements into your relationship, you can strengthen your bond and create a long-lasting and fulfilling marriage.

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C is for coconut

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Spelling coconut when you are doing the cowgirl position (aka riding) has been the hot topic lately. If you have been under a rock, they say when a girl is on top the trick to the cowgirl position is spelling the word COCONUT with your hips is supposed to be something magical. If you are like me, you are kind of lazy on top (don’t judge me). So I put this so-called coconut thing to the test. Let me tell you, it made my ass TIRED. I usually do things a bit differently when I handle business up top. I am not in shape for this shxt. You better pray you have good rhythm. I don’t suggest doing this hands-free. Use your hands for support.

So my experience with this went a little something like this:

Me and my beau had a few drinks one night and decided we were going to have sexy time. I stumbled into bed and we went at it. I was rolled on top and I froze. Then I got this bright idea that I had been seeing all over social media which was the coconut riding trick….Drunk me got on top and said, “ohhhh coconuts”. My beau replied, “coconuts? what?” and I attempted it and yeeah drunk me didn’t know how to spell coconuts and I got irritated and said, “this is stupid as fxck” and we both laughed and then changed positions.

IDK about you, but I am almost 31 and I know what I like and don’t like and what works and doesn’t works for us during sexy time…me spelling shxt while drunk…negative. Why it had to be coconuts? I know how to spell bananas even while not sober thanks to gwen stefani. If it aint broke don’t fix it. So ladies, no coconut for me but I will take my horse to the old town road and ride til I can’t no more!

Open Letter To My Beau

Dear Zaine,

First off thank you for always keeping the toilet seat down. As a young girl I don’t think I ever dreamed much about marrying prince charming because I didn’t think that I would ever get married. My amazing husband, you are the man that decided to marry my crazy ass. I believe you have chosen well, not to toot my own horn. I love your scent of coffee, bacon, and burnt down houses when you come home from your shifts at the fire station. Your smile makes me smile. I also have to add that your constant comments about my ass is very motivating and your booty rubs are romantic. You are a real life super hero to me and you rarely ask for anything in return. You don’t complain (a lot lol) when you come home to a wrecked house or when I rant about having a bad day with the kids, and the days you have to deal with me and my issues. Instead, you take care of me and help me gather up my sanity and hold me together. Even after all these years of us being together, you continue to amaze me with your sense of humor, kindness, generosity, and love for me. You didn’t know this because you were unconscious, but when I had to sleep downstairs after the c-section, I watched you sleep and I told you how much I loved you. You slept on the floor next to me, while I slept on the couch. You never once complained or left me hanging.

I watched you sleep like the creep that I am because sometimes I can’t believe that you are mine. I know my anxiety and depression causes me to think about the sadness we have shared sometimes, but I want to say thank you for continuing to fight with me and for me. Thank you for all of the kind things you have said and done to show me how much you love me and care about me. I can’t help but to feel special and consider myself lucky to have you in my life. I am lucky to have the world’s best guy as my best friend and husband. I love you so much and that will never change no matter how much you annoy me at times 🙂

I appreciate everything about us being together. I cherish all the good times we have had and bad times where we had to be there for each other. The times when we have struggled and the times where we had to learn how to understand and love each other. Our relationship has become stronger than what we could have ever imagined. With each passing year, I have realized how much I have loved you and wanted you. You are truly my best friend and love of my life. You are my past, present and future. You are my hope, my indulgence, and my strength. You have also given me precious gifts that money can’t buy. These 7 gifts will always be treasured in my heart and memories which will always live within my soul. I love watching you be a father to our children and had plenty of fun making them (haha).  When I see you being a father, it makes me fall in love with you all over again. 

Thank you for always being there for me and listening to me even when I talk nonsense and rant. Thank you for encouraging me when I doubted myself and felt like giving up. Thank you for being my biggest supporter and cheerleader in every way. Thank you for joining the Army for the sake of fighting for our country and providing for our family. Thank you for working so very hard being a Firefighter/EMT to give us a comfortable life; even though it comes with the price of you missing holidays, special occasions, and milestones. You are one of the hardest working men that I know and I am so proud of you. You have worked diligently these past few years to obtain your engineering degree to give us a even better life and you are almost at the finish line!

I just want you to know that I see how hard you are working. I notice all of your efforts and it means the world to me. You mean the world to me.

Happy 32nd Birthday Babe!

All Juice No Seeds

So with us finding out we were about to have our last baby sooner than planned and expected, we immediately knew which route we wanted to take for birth control. No questions asked, a vasectomy. There was nothing to discuss and it was a mutual decision. I really don’t understand why so many guys are resistant to the procedure, when it is actually a piece of cake. It has less complications, less down time, a easier recovery, and is overall very effective. My husband was very open to it when we discussed it; and best of all, we didn’t have to pay anything besides the specialist co pay to have it done (winning!). If you are considering it, the first thing I recommend you do is call your insurance provider and see if it is covered. Most major insurance companies now cover vasectomies and treat them as a “regular visit to a specialist” because it is done in office. Now, with that being said, if your hubby is a little bit of a “chicken” and prefers to be put to sleep for the procedure then you will have to factor in those costs.

For our situation (and baby making history), we decided it was best for us to have it done during the pregnancy. We waited until the 2nd trimester to schedule it. Previously, we were going to do it the last trimester but we both wanted it out of sight out of mind. The best thing of all is that he will be sterile way before the pregnancy is over; so I don’t have to worry about birth control period!

We both knew that regardless of what happens (in and out of our control) this is our last pregnancy. We felt very confident in our decision with the doctor who we chose to do the procedure after a little research. I do recommend going with a practice that is reputable and in network. We went with Georgia Urology because several people we know have used them and they are one of the largest urology groups here.

Your beau will have to do a consultation first, which explains the procedure etc.  You can sit in on the consultation if you want, but I didn’t care. I sat in the car while he had that appointment. I didn’t care how it was done, I just need the shxt to work! Anywho, scheduling was a bit frausting being that they are a large group, we couldn’t get it done as soon as we would have liked but it didn’t matter. Damage is already done. The surgery was scheduled for January 2nd (Happy New Year!). We both were anxiously awaiting V-day and there were no second thoughts whatsoever about it. Hubby got off shift that morning from the fire department, we had breakfast and then headed out for his appointment.

Once we arrived he received more instructions etc, they prepared the room, took him to the back, did local anesthesia, and 20mins later he was done. It was a scalpel-less procedure. The “incision” is basically a small puncture that can heal on its own without stitches. That’s it! Easy peasy!

How To Survive Your Hubby’s Vasectomy 

 

1. Be his hype “man”

   

   

   It is a big decision for a guy to sacrifice his “manhood” and get the procedure done. He will no longer be dangerous to make sexy time with and you will essentially put your baby bun factory out of business since you will have no use for the baby batter anymore. Hype him up! Be excited! Even if you are a little sad about the ending of this chapter, look at the biggest perk! Unlimited unprotected baby worry free sex! If you show excitement he will feel more confident about the decision and less likely to back out.

2. Make it as fun as possible 

   Get shirts for the occasion and take pics! This is a day to commemorate! This day is just as important as your pregnancy announcement!

3. Be prepared in advanced 

   You will need to make sure he has ice packs (frozen peas work just as well as other ice packs), and more than one jockstrap. Yes he can wear tight fitting undies, but the jock strap offers more support for the healing ball sack. Also the one he wears after the surgery will be dirty (a little blood here and there) and it is important to keep the area super clean since he won’t be able to shower for the first 24 hours. Have snacks ready and a location for him to recover already established to limit him getting up and down etc. He also can not lift anything over 15 pounds so put that honey do list on hold. Depending on what he does for a living, he may want to take a little time off. My beau is a firefighter so he took off a few shifts (2 to 3 for some people) and was fine when he returned.

4. Make him comfy

   Once you have the recovery location set up, have things close by to limit the ringing of the bell. Drinks, snacks, pain meds, etc all in one location or easily accessible. We have stairs so it was a bit tiring for me going up and down.  Keep ice packs in rotation because he will basically be surviving off of them. Also as far as pain, manage it before it starts or gets worse. My hubby was okay without them and mainly just wanted ice. Fix a special meal for the occasion or something easy. We ordered pizza.

5. Keep him hydrated 

   My beau wanted Jack and Coke, so I kept them coming (with plenty of water in between of course). Since he wasn’t taking any pain pills, it was the least I could do.

So that is it, there is not much to it! Other than your hubby taking it easy for a few days and his ball sack being a little bruised looking, it wasn’t that bad at all. He has a check up tomorrow to check the puncture site and then another check in about 3 months (they say your beau should “arrive at the party” about 15-20 times within that timeframe to ensure he is sterile). At the 3 month mark, at that appointment he has to make sexy time by himself and “party” in a cup, for them to check the sample to see if he is sterile or not. (If you aren’t pregnant, you will need to use something or stay on birth control until he is cleared. For the love of coffee, please do not skip the follow up appointments).

In the meantime during recovery, he will need plenty of rest and it is advisable to wait a week before you have sexy time…..whether we waited a week or not well that’s none of your business 😉