Live For The Moments You Can Not Put In Words

 I really LOATHE when people just assume that being a mom and all things momming are my entire life. I do have a life outside of (7) kids.  Life did not stop when I became a mom. But…at one point it kinda did and guess what? Anxiety, depression and motherhood don’t mesh well together. I can not stress enough to other mamas to take care of your mental health.

It is a struggle being whole to everyone else when you are not whole for yourself. Recently the panic attacks have been happening a little more often than what I would like (hence the silence on the blog a little), this is partly from my whole experience of my babes being in the NICU and worrying about things. No one tells you that certain things related to the NICU don’t stop once the baby graduates out of it.  Did they burp enough? Are they getting too comfy while they eat? Can I switch from preemie nipples now? Are the bottles sterile enough? the list goes on and on. This time around a lot of things are purely baby led and it’s pretty cool just requires patience.

I have found a few things that seem to work great for managing my anxiety and depression. I have also been sharing these things with people who reach out for advice who have the same condition. I have taken pieces of advice from them as well. I have a set plan for management, but like with any routine such as hair care, skin care, diets, etc you have to switch it up after a while. You get immune to it. I have had to have a few mommy time outs when the kids are being complete turds behavior wise, the house is a mess, I am exhausted because of Twin A’s crazy sleep patterns and My Beau’s work schedule.  A mommy time out is where I remove myself from the parental atmosphere to clear my head and take a breather. I strap the twins in their rockers, put up the baby gates and tell the oldest two I am stepping outside for a sec and keep an eye on things. It is recharging and refocusing.

During one of my moments, I had what I affectionately call my “2007 Britney Spears moment” and I cut off my hair

I did this last month (August). I wanted a new “identity” I wanted a fresh start so to speak. Okay so it wasn’t that drastic, but still you get the point.

 

I usually sit on our back porch (until a spawn of Satan aka a bug) tries to be friends then it’s back in the house I go. If it is at night, I have the oldest watch the babies and I run a nice Epsom salt bath or take a shower. The times where I feel a panic attack coming on, I have to redirect my attention to something else. I grab a snack or play a word game on my phone. My Beau purchased me a Cricut Explore Air 2 for my birthday, so this has really been great for me so far. It gives me something else to do. I have found some of the craft making to be somewhat therapeutic.

I have been transforming my nervous energy into being productive instead of just sulking. However, I am not going to lie… sometimes I get frustrated and want to throw shxt.  I don’t know if you believe in zodiac related shxt, but I do. I am a Virgo. We tend to be perfectionist. It is a blessing and a curse. I really had to learn over time that perfect is not ideal. I like being okay and well. I guess the best way to describe my anxiety and depression is I am predictable in my own unpredictability. I like the direction I am headed and I am excited about all of the great things that are happening and this new journey I am on since I turned 30. If you love life, it will love you back.

Taking time away from motherhood doesn’t make you a bad mom. Taking charge of your mental health is one of the most selfless selfish things I think a person can do. Growth doesn’t happen without provocations. Never forget that.

 

Advertisement

To the Mom Who Feels Like Giving Up

Another day has come and gone and you are beyond drained. You spent your day either working or being at home with the kiddos all day. You may have had your coffee piping hot, cold, or reheated in the microwave because you forgot all about the damn thing. You dealt with public tantrums, a million meltdowns at home, life bleachable moments, unwanted silence, meetings, crappy customers or coworkers, missed appointments, tears because you had to return to work, cluster breastfeeding, pumping milk only to spill it, forgetting that you used the last scoop of formula the night before and now you have to make a Target run. Completely forgetting about after school practice and projects, bullying, repeatedly cleaning a never-ending mess of toys, or finding old sippy cups with spoiled milk inside. You may have tried to leave on time to pick your kids up only to sit in horrible traffic and still was late picking them up, or you tried to time leaving the house at the right time to run your errands so you wouldn’t be at the end of the carpool line, or you got there right on time only for someone to cut you off in line.

Being a mama comes with a lot of things and one of those things is some inevitable guilt at some point. As a mama, you likely end the day by telling yourself that you will do better tomorrow. A lot of times, you admittedly are a little ashamed about some of your mom behaviors such as wearing the same pair of yoga pants or leggings a few days in the row, skipping a shower,  not bothering to style your hair in any way outside of a messy bun or a nice head wrap, yelling at your kiddos, letting your kids eat cereal for dinner, letting laundry pile up, living out of a clothes basket, letting your kids eat off the floor or eat a booger or two because you are tired of saying “hey don’t do that” a million times. Declining yet another birthday party invite because you are just too damn tired and really don’t want to go, and overall just feeling like you want to lose your shxt.  You may sit and wish that you could be perfect for your children like other moms you see on T.V or social media. You are human and humans do sometimes fail at certain things. The biggest thing, is never giving up. Parenting is a learning experience. This is something that I constantly remind myself when I feel like giving up. Parenting is hard and rewarding at the same time.

I believe that moms have this magical strength that allows them to still be as nurturing as they can all while endearing stress and fighting her own battles. For me those battles are anxiety and depression (End of year reflection:2017). When I am beyond drained, physically and mentally; nothing will stop me from trying to accommodate the needs of my children the best way I can at the time, and get shxt done.  A lot of times I think I am doing the right things all while not even being 100% sure that I am doing the right things because I am still learning. I have learned what works and doesn’t work and most of all I have learned to forgive myself when I make a parenting mistake such as not grabbing a thick enough jacket for them because I misjudged the weather and now they have the sniffles, or saying okay to just one more piece of candy that results in a tummy ache.

Motherhood will have you at times feeling stuck with who you really are, what you should be, and who you want to be. Some days your routine may seem meaningless, sometimes your children may make you sad, but they are a big part of what makes you feel happy. I am not on a mission to give my children all of the things I never had because I want them to be more than I am. I let my children get bored, and I used to beat myself up about it because the other moms seemed like they were always engaged with their kids, and I immediately tried to think of ways to keep them entertained. Most of the times they turned out to not be really interested in what I came up with. Until one day I sat back and didn’t intervene. Their boredom forced them to be creative. I believe in being a real parent not a perfect parent. Being real takes a lot of frustration out of this whole mommy stuff.

To the mom who feels like giving up, just know you are entitled to feel that way, but you are not entitled to give up because your children need you and you need them.

All Juice No Seeds

So with us finding out we were about to have our last baby sooner than planned and expected, we immediately knew which route we wanted to take for birth control. No questions asked, a vasectomy. There was nothing to discuss and it was a mutual decision. I really don’t understand why so many guys are resistant to the procedure, when it is actually a piece of cake. It has less complications, less down time, a easier recovery, and is overall very effective. My husband was very open to it when we discussed it; and best of all, we didn’t have to pay anything besides the specialist co pay to have it done (winning!). If you are considering it, the first thing I recommend you do is call your insurance provider and see if it is covered. Most major insurance companies now cover vasectomies and treat them as a “regular visit to a specialist” because it is done in office. Now, with that being said, if your hubby is a little bit of a “chicken” and prefers to be put to sleep for the procedure then you will have to factor in those costs.

For our situation (and baby making history), we decided it was best for us to have it done during the pregnancy. We waited until the 2nd trimester to schedule it. Previously, we were going to do it the last trimester but we both wanted it out of sight out of mind. The best thing of all is that he will be sterile way before the pregnancy is over; so I don’t have to worry about birth control period!

We both knew that regardless of what happens (in and out of our control) this is our last pregnancy. We felt very confident in our decision with the doctor who we chose to do the procedure after a little research. I do recommend going with a practice that is reputable and in network. We went with Georgia Urology because several people we know have used them and they are one of the largest urology groups here.

Your beau will have to do a consultation first, which explains the procedure etc.  You can sit in on the consultation if you want, but I didn’t care. I sat in the car while he had that appointment. I didn’t care how it was done, I just need the shxt to work! Anywho, scheduling was a bit frausting being that they are a large group, we couldn’t get it done as soon as we would have liked but it didn’t matter. Damage is already done. The surgery was scheduled for January 2nd (Happy New Year!). We both were anxiously awaiting V-day and there were no second thoughts whatsoever about it. Hubby got off shift that morning from the fire department, we had breakfast and then headed out for his appointment.

Once we arrived he received more instructions etc, they prepared the room, took him to the back, did local anesthesia, and 20mins later he was done. It was a scalpel-less procedure. The “incision” is basically a small puncture that can heal on its own without stitches. That’s it! Easy peasy!

How To Survive Your Hubby’s Vasectomy 

 

1. Be his hype “man”

   

   

   It is a big decision for a guy to sacrifice his “manhood” and get the procedure done. He will no longer be dangerous to make sexy time with and you will essentially put your baby bun factory out of business since you will have no use for the baby batter anymore. Hype him up! Be excited! Even if you are a little sad about the ending of this chapter, look at the biggest perk! Unlimited unprotected baby worry free sex! If you show excitement he will feel more confident about the decision and less likely to back out.

2. Make it as fun as possible 

   Get shirts for the occasion and take pics! This is a day to commemorate! This day is just as important as your pregnancy announcement!

3. Be prepared in advanced 

   You will need to make sure he has ice packs (frozen peas work just as well as other ice packs), and more than one jockstrap. Yes he can wear tight fitting undies, but the jock strap offers more support for the healing ball sack. Also the one he wears after the surgery will be dirty (a little blood here and there) and it is important to keep the area super clean since he won’t be able to shower for the first 24 hours. Have snacks ready and a location for him to recover already established to limit him getting up and down etc. He also can not lift anything over 15 pounds so put that honey do list on hold. Depending on what he does for a living, he may want to take a little time off. My beau is a firefighter so he took off a few shifts (2 to 3 for some people) and was fine when he returned.

4. Make him comfy

   Once you have the recovery location set up, have things close by to limit the ringing of the bell. Drinks, snacks, pain meds, etc all in one location or easily accessible. We have stairs so it was a bit tiring for me going up and down.  Keep ice packs in rotation because he will basically be surviving off of them. Also as far as pain, manage it before it starts or gets worse. My hubby was okay without them and mainly just wanted ice. Fix a special meal for the occasion or something easy. We ordered pizza.

5. Keep him hydrated 

   My beau wanted Jack and Coke, so I kept them coming (with plenty of water in between of course). Since he wasn’t taking any pain pills, it was the least I could do.

So that is it, there is not much to it! Other than your hubby taking it easy for a few days and his ball sack being a little bruised looking, it wasn’t that bad at all. He has a check up tomorrow to check the puncture site and then another check in about 3 months (they say your beau should “arrive at the party” about 15-20 times within that timeframe to ensure he is sterile). At the 3 month mark, at that appointment he has to make sexy time by himself and “party” in a cup, for them to check the sample to see if he is sterile or not. (If you aren’t pregnant, you will need to use something or stay on birth control until he is cleared. For the love of coffee, please do not skip the follow up appointments).

In the meantime during recovery, he will need plenty of rest and it is advisable to wait a week before you have sexy time…..whether we waited a week or not well that’s none of your business 😉