Category Archives: family

Live For The Moments You Can Not Put In Words

 I really LOATHE when people just assume that being a mom and all things momming are my entire life. I do have a life outside of (7) kids.  Life did not stop when I became a mom. But…at one point it kinda did and guess what? Anxiety, depression and motherhood don’t mesh well together. I can not stress enough to other mamas to take care of your mental health.

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It is a struggle being whole to everyone else when you are not whole for yourself. Recently the panic attacks have been happening a little more often than what I would like (hence the silence on the blog a little), this is partly from my whole experience of my babes being in the NICU and worrying about things. No one tells you that certain things related to the NICU don’t stop once the baby graduates out of it.  Did they burp enough? Are they getting too comfy while they eat? Can I switch from preemie nipples now? Are the bottles sterile enough? the list goes on and on. This time around a lot of things are purely baby led and it’s pretty cool just requires patience.

I have found a few things that seem to work great for managing my anxiety and depression. I have also been sharing these things with people who reach out for advice who have the same condition. I have taken pieces of advice from them as well. I have a set plan for management, but like with any routine such as hair care, skin care, diets, etc you have to switch it up after a while. You get immune to it. I have had to have a few mommy time outs when the kids are being complete turds behavior wise, the house is a mess, I am exhausted because of Twin A’s crazy sleep patterns and My Beau’s work schedule.  A mommy time out is where I remove myself from the parental atmosphere to clear my head and take a breather. I strap the twins in their rockers, put up the baby gates and tell the oldest two I am stepping outside for a sec and keep an eye on things. It is recharging and refocusing.

During one of my moments, I had what I affectionately call my “2007 Britney Spears moment” and I cut off my hair

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I did this last month (August). I wanted a new “identity” I wanted a fresh start so to speak. Okay so it wasn’t that drastic, but still you get the point.

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I usually sit on our back porch (until a spawn of Satan aka a bug) tries to be friends then it’s back in the house I go. If it is at night, I have the oldest watch the babies and I run a nice Epsom salt bath or take a shower. The times where I feel a panic attack coming on, I have to redirect my attention to something else. I grab a snack or play a word game on my phone. My Beau purchased me a Cricut Explore Air 2 for my birthday, so this has really been great for me so far. It gives me something else to do. I have found some of the craft making to be somewhat therapeutic.

I have been transforming my nervous energy into being productive instead of just sulking. However, I am not going to lie… sometimes I get frustrated and want to throw shxt.  I don’t know if you believe in zodiac related shxt, but I do. I am a Virgo. We tend to be perfectionist. It is a blessing and a curse. I really had to learn over time that perfect is not ideal. I like being okay and well. I guess the best way to describe my anxiety and depression is I am predictable in my own unpredictability. I like the direction I am headed and I am excited about all of the great things that are happening and this new journey I am on since I turned 30. If you love life, it will love you back.

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Taking time away from motherhood doesn’t make you a bad mom. Taking charge of your mental health is one of the most selfless selfish things I think a person can do. Growth doesn’t happen without provocations. Never forget that.

 

Until next time,Breyona

Fat Mama Part ii

 I am guilty of being obsessed with “snapping back” after my previous pregnancies. I share each postpartum journey to motivate other mommies and give them a realistic look at a true average postpartum body (Fat Mama). Not the body of a woman who was a fitness model or had a full on 12 pack before having babies.

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This mama has a keg after birth. My “snapback” comes from patience, hard work, dedication, a little neglect, and being realistic. I am one of those mamas who loves food. I usually gain the maximum amount of weight allowed during my pregnancies, so I always have work to do afterwards. Funny thing is, my first pregnancy I gained 70 pounds. This was devastating to me. However, I knew that I would never go back to my pre-pregnancy size for a few reasons. First off I was 21 when I had my first kid. Secondly, I had been misdiagnosed shortly after I had him when I went for a mental health check up (not postpartum depression); and the medication caused me to retain weight. Third, my husband return home from the army after being gone for 8 months and two weeks later I was preggo with baby number 2.

Thanks beau

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After I had baby number 2, I was determined to lose weight since I had gained baby weight on top of baby weight. I tried Slim Fast and it was more so like Slim Slow and yucky. I did some research and found something more ideal for me. I did the 17 day diet and lost all of my baby weight without even exercising AT ALL. This was when I learned the true importance of nutrition.  It made me make a permanent lifestyle change.  If you aren’t willing to make a lifestyle change, you can not expect to keep the extra weight away.

 

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When I got pregnant with baby number 3, I basically did what I didn’t do in the past. I ate the way you are “supposed” to while pregnant. I didn’t take in unnecessary calories, I was active, and I ate pretty balanced on top of drinking a ton of water. Guess what? I still gained 50 pounds. Do you see what I am getting at here?

My 4th pregnancy I gained 40 pounds, afterwards I lost all but 5 pounds or so of it. I stopped caring…because well, I knew I would possibly have another baby since we were on the fence about it. My 5th baby I gained 45 pounds and I lost all but 5 pounds of the weight again. I had the same thoughts, why do all of this extra work if I am going to have just one more? Well that one more turned into two more (twins) and here I am….one month postpartum. I gained 60 pounds during the twin’s pregnancy and it would have been more if the babies didn’t come early.

Here I am 2 weeks after my c-section in my granny panties bathroom selfie glory

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Having a c-section is def a game changer when it comes to losing baby weight. For one, you feel like pure shxt afterwards. The swelling is crazy, and your down time is longer. Granny panties are your new lingerie until the incision heals. Trust me, you don’t want any damn thing touching that incision. It might not look glamorous but this is childbirth and postpartum life and comfort is key!

This is the top I wore the day before I had my twins

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This is 10 days after my c-section supported

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I really hate the weird stage during postpartum weight loss when maternity clothes are huge and your pre-baby clothes are entirely too small. For me, my maternity clothes are huge because I had to size up so frequently to accommodate the twin bump. At one point I was buying 3x. Now pre-baby at most I am a XL. So naturally right after having them the 3x stuff made me look like I was wearing a trash bag. With the use of my girdle for support during the first week, I was able to fit a few pieces of my post baby clothes but was beyond uncomfortable.

(I no longer wear the girdle for support and my incision is healed for the most part)

 

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This journey is different because I have to really pace myself and take my time. There won’t be any hardcore dieting or exercising, even when I am cleared in 2 weeks. I plan to jump back in once I hit 8 weeks postpartum. I really want to enjoy my time with my twins once they are home. Losing weight can and will wait. It will happen over time. It took me almost 9 months to push my body to extreme limits by carrying two babies at once. I am still amazed and proud of myself for even surviving the entire pregnancy and then enduring a c-section.

 

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This time around I am being kind to myself. I am not ashamed of my F.U.P.A aka my kangaroo pouch and I am no longer going to hide it while it shrinks back down. Losing weight can be a mind game and apart of my self care routine is keeping my mental health in check. I am not about to drive myself crazy trying to fit into what our society has created to be perfect, or this notion that you have to immediately be pre-baby size right after coming close to death from having a baby. Embrace yourself and your body, one pound at a time. This body made me a mother and I love it. I am not ashamed and you shouldn’t be either.

The best part about my twin postpartum journey (Remy’s middle name “Journee”)… I don’t have to worry about losing all the weight and gaining my confidence back, all for my beau to knock me up again

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NICU Life: Lessons

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It’s been almost 4 weeks and the girls are still in the NICU. I have been trying to stay busy to make the time go by faster and to not be idle. If I become idle, then I will start feeling under the weather. I need to be in a good mood for the other bundles of mayhem. School is finally out for the summer so I can get some relief schedule wise but now I have the demand of entertaining them around the clock and juggling making runs to the NICU to see the girls and drop off milk. These four weeks have taught me a few things and shown me a few things about myself that I never really paid attention to. It has also made me very in tune (more than ever) with my anxiety and I am tired of shaking hands with it. I actually had a panic attack the other day randomly. I haven’t had one of those in a long time, but I was able to handle it and it passed smoothly.

This is a time where I need support more than I ever have. The bond you instantly have with your children during pregnancy and after is indescribable. That bond is threatened when you have to spend time apart. You have to make up for the time lost and do the best you can. Seeing the girls frequently is challenging due to having other children to care for, and the distance of the hospital. Some parents make multiple daily trips to the NICU and some can’t go as often. Some can’t go at all due to different reasons. The hospital has a lot of resources for helping parents cope with the time apart and the guilt. The guilt of not being there. I get daily phone calls, and I can call whenever I want to check in on the girls. There are no visiting hours, but they usually like for you to be cautious about visiting during the times when the shifts change. When we visit, it is full of lots of snuggles and feedings. The girl’s feedings are an hour apart.

The other day when we visited, We saw a man carrying a baby car seat. He had the baby carrier and the base attached. We thought this was odd because most people just take in the carrier when they are getting ready to take their baby home, when the delivery is normal. We got onto different elevators. We joked that he must be a new dad since he had the entire car seat and base toting it around, and maybe he didn’t know that the base is supposed to stay in the car. When we headed back to see the girls, we saw the base dude beaming with excitement and looking nervous at the same time. He was a NICU parent just like us. The baby boy in the first pod, who we passed by on the way to the girl’s twin room each time, was going home. He was always swaddled in the cutest blankets. I heard the male nurse giving them instructions on proper car seat use as they were getting ready to do his car seat test as apart of the discharge process. I teared up a little. I teared up for two reasons: that baby was going home and who knows how long he had been there, and my girls weren’t going home yet.  Seeing and hearing that baby get discharged from the NICU was bittersweet. We will know that feeling one day soon.

Lesson number 1: Appreciating where we are in our NICU journey and how unique it is. Even though it’s not where we thought we would be or want to be, every day spent there serves a purpose.

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When you have a baby in the NICU, certain things are a BIG deal. Such as being in a open crib and finishing a bottle during feeding time. Preemies have to learn how to eat. The girls have feeding tubes until their desire and reflex to naturally suck to either nurse or drink from a bottle using a nipple is developed.

Lesson number 2: Celebrate things other people take for granted. Little milestones are just as important as big ones.

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The device that delivers my breast milk into the girl’s bellies is done via feeding tube using a device they call “the pump”. They basically insert a large syringe that contains my milk into the machine and set a timer. The machine slowly pushes the milk through the baby’s feeding tube to complete the feeding.

Lesson Number 3: Biomedical engineering is such a underappreciated field of engineering. Without it many nurses would be extremely exhausted.

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Speaking of breast-milk, I never thought that I would be able to produce enough for both of my babies. I am a mama who hasn’t always been hip to breast feeding and had a low supply whenever I tried. I exclusively breastfeed my 4th child for 6 months. My 5th, we didn’t have much luck and I had thrown in the towel after repeated latching issues, no desire to pump and a milk supply that dropped so low there was nothing that could be done to bring it back up. Once I was feeling up to it in the hospital, a lactation consultant came to visit with a breast pump and a full on tutorial about exclusively pumping. I had a very good & strong start and I have been doing pretty good so far. Exclusively pumping is very time consuming, frustrating at times, and exhausting. The nurses and my friends have been very supportive and encouraging. This has helped me stay motivated and not throw in the towel.

Lesson number 4: I am more than capable of feeding my babies as long as I continue to trust the process and my body.

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My beau stepped right in when I was not able to bond with the girls after the surgery. He has changed a lot of tiny diapers and even dealt with a big blow out from Remy. Remy’s big blowout during one of our visits was a total life bleachable moment. Breastfed babies tend to projectile poop. He was in the middle of a diaper change when he lifted her up to put the clean diaper on and the shxt (literally) got real. It was EVERYWHERE. the cords, phone on the wall, the crib, her clothes, his hand… you name it!  You would think that out of all the diapers we have changed, we would’ve been quicker. We had to work as a team to tackle the mess.

Lesson number 5: The best way to prepare for tomorrow is doing your very best in the moments of today.

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The million dollar question is when are they coming home? Y’all we truly have no timeline of this. This question actually makes me sad. It is beginning to get a little mundane constantly answering this question. A lot of NICU parents all agree that this is a question a lot of us don’t really like being asked. We aren’t trying to be rude or secretive, we just don’t know. Some people ask in a way that is very insensitive. Actually some people are just insensitive period in a lot of the things they say and ask. Sometimes it is just best to be quiet or say let me know if you need anything. It’s not always what you say but how you say it.

Lesson number 6: Don’t let the way others behave destroy your sense of inner peace.

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We are really hoping that our stay in the NICU is almost done. However, at the same time I would rather them be 100% cleared to come home instead of 80% to rush things along. They are working on their feedings and it is hit or miss…which is expected at this point considering how early they were born. Some days they finish multiple bottles, and some days they don’t finish any at all and are tube fed all day. We are remaining patient because regardless fed is best.

Lesson number 7: Find something positive in each day, even when on some days you have to look a bit harder for it.

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We are so happy and thankful that our girls are progressing very well and have had little to no complications that most 33 weekers experience when they are born prematurely. They are plumping up each day and are super cute! They are well on their way to coming home…when the time is right.

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Dear NICU

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Dear NICU (Newborn Intensive Care Unit),

 

After having 5 healthy and considered “term” babies, I never would have thought I would ever have to meet you. May 1st, you automatically took piece number 6 and 7 of my heart. Bringing these girls into the world at 33 weeks was unexpected, exciting and scary at the sametime. I still had hope that I would make it to at least 36 weeks and avoid you. My body decided otherwise and here we are. I never imagined that after 4 days in the hospital I would come home empty handed. That was the quietest ride home from the hospital ever. At first I felt like you robbed me of my golden hour and chances to bond with my babies. I only got to see them for a split second before they were whisked away to the second floor to be with you. I laid there on the operating table in tears because I could barely see my babies faces due to the oxygen masks and several layers of blankets. I wanted more time, at least a kiss but was denied because it was your time. The first 24 hours was very hard being stuck in bed, nauseated as hell knowing that I could not see my babies until the next day. There were pics but they did not compare to being able to snuggle my babies and take in that newborn smell immediately after giving birth; as I have done in the past.

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I was angry. Very angry….livid. I wanted my babies. I am supposed to be one of the most important parts of their life. I am their mama. For however long, you are now their mama.

Visiting you felt gloomy because the initial floor is so quiet. You can smell and feel how sterile the atmosphere is as soon as you step off the elevator. The warmth was not cozy but necessary to sustain life. As I was wheeled in, emotions almost got the best of me. I was not able to get up from the wheelchair, but I could see my babies. My babies with all kinds of wires and gadgets hooked up to them protruding from the soft pink and blue swaddle blankets; and me a few hours almost a full day post surgery unable to hold my babies. I felt so empty and like I was cheated out of motherhood. The golden hour I will never get back but by any means necessary we all got the babies here safely. No one told me what to expect or how it feels to have a baby in the NICU. I was not prepared. My anxiety got the best of me a few times, but I had to keep telling myself they are in a safe place and trust the process.

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Even though you will be my babies home for however long; whatever the circumstances, those are MY babies and there are somethings only I can provide for them that you can’t. Being separated from my babies is one of the most difficult things I think I have ever had to deal with outside of Grand Daddy passing away. I don’t know if you understand this or not; IDC but I want you to know this. You have caused a little tension between me and my beau because we are both so damn exhausted.

 

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You are now becoming apart of our normal, but each day gets easier when it comes to leaving after our snuggle time. The first day I fell apart as soon as we got in the car, but the next day I was okay.

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We plan to continue to take an active role in our babies stay with you. We know and trust that you will provide the safest environment and best care possible during this extremely stressful yet exciting time for us. We hope to find some joy in this journey as we watch our babies thrive and exceed expectations and milestones each day; in order to get them home.

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2nd trimester recap: Baby 6&7

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This won’t be a lengthy post, but it is a overdue post since I am about 5-6 weeks away from delivery now lol! So my second trimester wasn’t really any better than the first. Things got crazy and I definitely have gotten bigger.

The 2nd trimester starts once you hit week 14 in your pregnancy and lasts until week 27. I have been trying to keep up with the weekly pics but sometimes I forget, and my 8 year old actually reminds me. He is my little photographer. I decided to make him my designated picture taker for the most part to give him something to do so that he can be involved with the pregnancy. Everyone is involved in some way. From the pics I am going to share below you will see how things quickly once again blew up overnight just as they did in the first trimester ( First Trimester Recap: Baby #6. )

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Cravings

For the most part my cravings have stayed pretty consistent. Donuts, honeybuns, cookies, Jimmy John sandwiches, plus the addition of Starburst jelly beans, Dairy Queen’s chicken fingers, and vanilla Cokes. It’s not the healthiest shxt but I am going to enjoy my last pregnancy. Now I don’t pig out on my cravings, I nibble until I am satisfied and keep it moving.

Vitamins

I was taking the powder form of my prenatal vitamins that can be added to any juice or liquid, but I had to switch to the regular pill form because of some concerns. The powder was giving me what I would need normally in a regular pregnancy, but with twins you need double of everything. It was either drink two servings of the powder a day (which is more costly than regular pills) or switch back to pills in addition to the powder. So since I hate swallowing pills, I take those first thing in the morning, and later mid day I take the powder vitamins.

Baby Preperations

We took full advantage of the going out of business sale Babies “R” Us had and got all of our big ticket items as well as some smaller items. We made out like bandits. We were able to score two slim fit all in 1 car seats for the babies, a sweet Graco double stroller, two high chairs, bottles, pacifiers, bibs, a few layettes bouncers, rock n plays etc and spent a little over $800 for everything.

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Now it may seem like a lot to some people, but to those who have had to buy for multiples it was a big steal considering the carseats we were originally planning to buy that would fit in my Yukon would have cost us $600 for two by themselves.

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Our friends and associates have been sending gifts still since the gender reveal (Plot twist), which we are very grateful for. I think the girls have more clothes than everyone in the house now!

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There will be another post dedicated to must have twin items that will be integrated into a must have baby items for large families blog in the future.

Aches and Pains

The discomfort is real. I had to buy a maternity support belt to help with the bad back, hip and leg pain. The leg cramps are horrible. Sometimes it is hard to get out of bed, off the couch and walking up the stairs sucks big time. I have to take my time to move from place to place and walk at a slower pace. You tend to be very off balance because of the extra weight, so I try not to stand up too fast. I have fallen once or twice from my balance being off but luckily I didn’t get hurt. My boobs ofcourse are still growing and are achy. One weird thing I am having this time is itchy nipples! I had to ask my doctor about this crap because WebMD will have you thinking you are about to die; but he assured me it’s pretty common and is from the skin stretching and becoming more sensitive. I literally want to scratch my nipples off and throw them in the trash with how much they itch. To alleviate the itching, I am using nipple cream (Boob Ease), the same stuff I use for breastfeeding and pumping.

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Maternity Clothes

I hate all clothes including underwear…clothes are stupid

Sexy Time

A few have asked if we are still sexually active and the answer is ofcourse! why wouldn’t we be!? Since I got big faster this time around, things are a bit challenging position wise lol. Lots of pillows and limitations to about a good 3 or 4 positions lol. I feel huge and unattractive; so my confidence did dip a bit because I am at the biggest I have ever been in my LIFE. But, my beau assures me I am beautiful, still sexy and that he loves the hell out of me. I haven’t had my sex drive tank, but my energy is total shxt. So if we are going to make sexytime it has to be when mama is still awake because if things don’t get started in that window of opportunity I am going to hibernate like a bear. Speaking of hibernating and sexy time. The insomnia got pretty bad, so I take something for sleeping per the doctors orders. Sleep is very important when you are pregnant whether it is a singleton or multiple pregnancy. So my nights of insomnia usually end with me getting the party started with my beau and it’s cured….DJM.

Concerns

The 2nd trimester has been pretty eventful. Babe A is growing like a weed and Babe B is on her own little time and is growing a bit slower. The doctors became concerned when they saw that she was significantly smaller. We declined ALL genetic testing With twins, one is usually a little bigger than the other, but the doctors like to see the babies on a certain curve where they fall into a certain percentile on the chart. Babe B was in the 6th percentile, and they like to see babies above the 10th. With this new found concern, my appointments picked up way sooner than expected.

I was supposed to still be on every 3 to 4 week visits but it immediately turned into visits every two weeks. With twin pregnancies, your weekly visits usually start once you hit the 3rd trimester and then once you hit 32 weeks they are twice a week visits. Well guess what? This girl has been going to the OBGYN and specialist twice a week since the mid 2nd trimester. It has not been fun at all. Lots of copays, exams, questions, driving back and forth etc. The perk, we get to see our girls every week until D-day! I don’t want to go into too much detail here because I need to save a lot for the 3rd trimester recap blog as it comes to an end in the next few weeks… so I am going to leave it at that.

Keep Sending good vibes our way!

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The Lit Marriage: Doom in the Bedroom

Ways to maintain sex and intimacy after kids

So you spent all this time trying to avoid or achieve getting pregnant and then BOOM! You have a positive pregnancy test. Nine months fly by and then the stork delivers to you the biggest but cutest cxck blocker known to mankind…kids.

For some women, sex and intimacy goes out of the window with sleep, free time and peeing in peace when they have a baby and others it gets better. I have been asked a lot about this topic because everyone assumes that since we have a large family that we have this amazing sex life. Well, I am going to be real with y’all about it, it is pretty damn legit but requires a little more creativity and compromising. I have experienced some of the common issues with intimacy after babies (such as low self esteem due to the changes your body undergoes during pregnancy), but I was able to quickly resolve those issues. The biggest thing is being very realistic about things. Yes, kids change a lot of factors in regards to your life as a whole, and one of those things is sex. When you are married or in a relationship, pregnancy and beyond can impact your sex life greatly. It is something that happens but the initial approach to it will make a huge difference in it being positive or negative.

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Yes, you will hate your postpartum body…I don’t know too many people who are absolutely in love with it. I mean if you like the idea of your tummy looking like you are still expecting or like a smashed brain once it finally deflates then my friend you rock. For this mama, the postpartum stage is filled with lots of OMG look at my body, this is going to take forever to fix etc. For me this goes away within the first 6 weeks. Then you have to deal with all of the hormones being out of whack, adjusting to a new baby and his or her schedule, and juggling all other aspects of your life including your significant other. And then there is daddy….He may or may not be sensitive to this delicate time, but for them sleep deprivation or being well rested, 6 weeks seems like an eternity. Doctors recommend that you wait the full 6 weeks for them to give you the okay to make sexy time. Now, a few factors goes into this. The biggest one is how your delivery went. C-section, natural, being torn from the roota to the toota (front to back), stitches, you name it. I approach it as the same way I do exercise. When I am feeling up to it, start slow and work my way back up. Contrary to the popular judgemental belief, not everyone waits the six weeks to have sex. I haven’t each time, but that is me. I don’t recommend telling people what to do with their boom boom rooms, but that is between you, your significant other and your doctor.

Honestly, sex got better after having kids….

I am going to explain why it did. When you are actually trying for a baby, it is the most fraustrating shxt ever. It is time consuming tracking cycles, crying over negative tests, taking your temps etc; and although they say don’t stress and have fun, you usually stress and it becomes a chore. You are so focused on the window of opportunity that you forget the other reasons why you are making sexy time. Once that ship has sailed, it goes back to the old times where sex is recreational and fun.

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Now don’t get me wrong, you still have to have a strictly business approach because when you have kids, making sexy time is like race against time. How much time do you have before the dinosaur chicken nuggets are done and everyone is distracted watching a kiddie movie or show to get it in? Is this a long nap or short nap? I can go on and on. My beau said I got sexier to him when I had his kids. I feel the same way about him. When he became a father, his sexy meter went up. It was a new sense of him being a super provider and protector that sent my hormones in overdrive. Our bond is so much closer since we became parents. Not to mention I melt when I see him just being a dad. Playing with the kids etc, it makes me happy. They say happy wife happy life.

Things that put doom in the bedroom

Being bogged down with routines: Instead of you two being available to each others needs, you neglect each other for the needs of the child. Yes, make sure your child is taken care of and settled in, but sometimes it is okay for them to not be held the entire time while they sleep. If you are finding yourself “scheduling” sex, stop it right now. Be a little more creative. Spontaneity keeps that flame burning. One thing I like to do is we shower together (when I haven’t fallen asleep first, depending on how tired mama is). Bedtime is a good time for making sexy time happen. If you share a room with baby, then go to another room. If you co-sleep, safely barricade your little bundle of joy and skip to another room. I do not believe people when they say they “don’t have time for sex” once they have had kids. There is time you just have to use your time wisely when you have a chance. Wake your butt up earlier or go to bed later.

Not trying to keep the romance alive or being romantic: Juggling work and kids, school and kids, hell just life in general and kids can put a damper on romance. Flirt like you did before you had kids, send sexy texts to each other, surprise him with some new fragrances or lingerie when it is time for bed. If you are struggling with body image issues after having a baby, one thing that helped me is looking in the mirror and saying positive affirmations. I tell myself I love my body even when I don’t always feel that way.

Making your life all about your kids: Yes they are your life but no yours doesn’t have to stop. Trust me they will be okay. Don’t neglect your spouse because you have kids. There are ways to balance out your time and love. Neglecting sex and intimacy can cause you to have issues with yourself. This is apart of self care believe it or not.

Hormones and other things you can’t really control: Some women libidos take a nose dive after they have kids. There are some ways to boost it naturally that I will share in another post. Hormones can impact several portions of being a female after you have a baby. That is what lube is for my friend. Don’t be afraid to bring it into the bedroom. It makes things more comfy for you and your partner.

Criticizing yourself and your body: It’s hard but try to avoid this. You may not be bikini ready by textbook and social media standards right away, but learn to love what you have. For me I am a little self conscious afterwards so I have the lights off completely or low until I feel comfy again.

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Things that prevent or limit doom in the bedroom after kids

Be realistic and have realistic expectations: Your schedule will likely change so the normal uninterrupted times you were used to doing it are gone. Your hour marathon now is a 10-15 minute race. If you aren’t eager to jump back into the game make it known and it usually helps to explain why. Sometimes people don’t really get how you feel in the postpartum stage and it’s not so much you are being stingy with love or purposely rejecting your spouse. Communication is important. Be patient when you are not up for sex. Offer simple gestures of affection instead. It’s all normal and totally okay. If it hurts say so and stop and resume when you are able to engage at a comfortable level.

Quickies: Quality not quantity here. quickies become your new best friend when it comes to sex after kids. Some people don’t like quickies and prefer marathon sex, but I suggest you get used to quickies and make them count. The good thing about quickies is that you both know what you need to do to arrive at the party. That way you ensure you both will get your fix. Also being pressed for time can make you both desire each other more. Save the marathon sexy time for when you are kid free. Also woman to woman, don’t feel pressured to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable sexually. Yes try new things, but within comfort.

TTC Round 2-infinity: After you successfully have one kid and learn all of the what to expect shxt, when you are ready for round 2, 3, 4, 5 etc you know what changes to expect and how getting pregnant works and will be a little more relaxed about things and just go with the flow and let it happen how it happens. If you have other plans, I suggest you make sure your birth control method is reliable. The lack of stress makes respawning easier and less blah. You can actually enjoy each other without worries.

The 6 week wait: If you wait the 6 weeks, you can build up to the big moment again. You can be super flirty and get creative and do other things that don’t involve actually having sexy time. You don’t always have to have sex to be intimate. Massages and just making out are always nice.

Be intimate emotionally first: Reconnect with your spouse. You spent all of this time talking about babies and kids everyday, now it’s time to stop. Find other topics to explore. Most females like to be emotionally stimulated before they are physically stimulated. Someone once put it like this: girls are like crock pots, we take a little longer to heat up; boys are like microwaves, all they need is a little heat and they are ready. Being emotionally unavailable tends to kill sex and intimacy. Talk to your partner about things that may be bothering you such as your appearance and frustrations of being a parent. Find a balance. Venting and then being reassured about doubts etc can make a world of a difference. For me I used to make comments about my body changes and he always tells me that I am beautiful and that I am doing a good job.

Share the responsibilities: When you have children, sharing responsibilities and helping each other when caring for them tends to lead to mutual happiness. It has been proven in a few studies that when parents share responsibilities of caring for a child they have better sex. When the care is one sided, the resentment will set in and who is turned on by that?

Being creative: Again, within comfort. Explore. Redefine what sex and intimacy is for you and your spouse. This can be sensually touching, kissing, or exploring a new hobby together. Try different positions. Sometimes postpartum sex isn’t ideal for certain positions so you may have to try a few different ones to be comfy. Who knows you may discover your new favorite position!

Prepare in advance: If you know you are going to make sexy time happen, try to limit interruptions. Again, use your time wisely. Put the kiddos in do not disturb mode by setting up a movie and snacks, be sure to lock your door or barricade them safely in another room with a baby gate if they are tots. If you are breastfeeding make sure the feeding is done prior to or you have pumped especially since leaks can happen and when the boobies are full they tend to be a little on the uncomfy side being touched.

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Just like parenting, sex and intimacy after kids is a learning experience. You thought you knew what you were doing before kids but then afterwards this is a game changer. Just know that it does get better with time. Start slow mama and ease back into things.

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Nothing prepared us for this

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*This is a very lengthy post and covers a lot*

Randomly finding out I was pregnant was already surprising enough. However nothing prepared me for the weeks that followed peeing on that stick. I had some pretty intense symptoms leading up to testing. I had horrible cramping, my back was hurting pretty damn bad, I was beyond exhausted, moody as hell, and my boobs felt like someone was using them as punching bags. Most of it, I chalked it up to being a period from hell about to happen.

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What my uterus felt like

Once I tested and got my final answer, I was a bit on edge because of how bad the symptoms were. In my previous pregnancies in the beginning, I had zero-mild symptoms. This time, I had every symptom in the books times 100. My OB wanted to see me immediately, but I told them I prefered to wait a few weeks because of all of the hoopla that happened with Kali’s pregnancy (The Not So Blighted Ovum). They respected my wishes and the appointment was set for a few weeks out to guarantee we would get a confirmation of a visible pregnancy, and see the baby with a heartbeat instead of a yolk sac for my peace of mind.

It took forever for my appointment date to get here but I felt every single bit of pregnancy each day. We kept talking about how we couldn’t believe it happened so quickly, fantasized about what “he” would look like, picked names (for a boy or girl), started window shopping for baby items ya know all of the fun stuff you do when you find out you’re about to have a dinosaur. The week after I found out I was pregnant, the morning sickness started. It was nothing like I have ever experienced. I am still battling it 22 weeks later. I also noticed I immediately had a baby bump and I was like only 48 hours pregnant.

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I figured I was already sporting a nice round bump because after all this was my 6th pregnancy and you show quicker with each pregnancy. With me being beyond sick and overall just feeling like pure shxt in general, we started to joke about me being pregnant with twins. Now, this wasn’t something random because well, twins run on my side of the family…like deep. I have been lucky enough to dodge it happening the previous 5 times. Well the gods said, “hold my beer”.

We both were excited about the first appointment because we knew we would be able to see our little dinosaur chicken nugget all curled up and ready to grow for the next 9 months. Things started off crappy when we got to the appointment because my OB had to go deliver a baby so we had to wait and wait and wait. Rescheduling is not an option for me because the practice I use and the hospital I deliver at is almost an hour away from where I live. I do not trust any other hospitals to handle my care or deliveries within my control (unless it’s an emergency then the nearest one would be used obviously). Not to mention, I have had 4 out of the 5 babies we have at this hospital.

Finally my DR returned and he made a comment about my appearance that I looked like I didn’t feel well etc. I informed him of the horrible morning sickness. This was a bit surprising to him because usually I don’t have an issue with this kind of stuff. He said he would prescribe me something to see if it helped and if not we would try other options. We headed to the ultrasound room and all was going well. My husband sat on the bench watching him check things out and show us our little nugget hanging out. Now at first, I did notice a little something next to the baby but it appeared to be empty and I thought it was like my bladder or some shxt. After he let us hear the baby’s heartbeat, all I heard him say was, “and over here we have baby number 2″……and the world stopped. The room went mute, I didn’t hear shxt he had to say after that. I laid there in disbelief, mouth wide open. Did this guy just say baby number 2? As in two fetuses? deuce?  deux? dos? zwei?

The sound quickly came back on and as he was still talking, I interrupted him and said, “Man Stop playing with me Dr. Harvey”. I could tell he was trying not to laugh because he had this huge smirk on his face and he was like “I am not playing, I am so serious you are having twins Breyona… there are two babies”. He brightened up the pic and there it was for sure another baby curled up in the sac next to the first one. I began to sweat and was still processing it all. All I could do was repeatedly say “Stop playing with me” “Oh my god” “This isn’t real” “No f——- way” and lots of “WTF”. He let us hear baby number 2’s heartbeat and he said it was nice and strong.

I saw I was legit pregnant with twins.

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My beau was laughing and smiling from ear to ear the entire time. Me not so much. It’s one thing when you laugh and joke about it until it happens for real. He continuously expressed how excited he was but I couldn’t smile about it. I was in shock and didn’t know how to really take this news. We weren’t prepared for twins! We had planned for one baby! I knew I should be super excited and over the moon, but I was immediately worried about a lot of things. Twins put you in the category of high risk from the start. I have never had a c-section and the possibility of having one is 50/50 with this pregnancy. I was informed I had to see a specialist on top of the regular OB which means lots of appointments. This pregnancy was a game changer. The horrible morning sickness etc also made it hard to be excited because of how often I feel bad.

We already knew we were done having kids after this pregnancy but this def confirmed things. Once we hit the second trimester we decided to schedule the vasectomy (All Juice No Seeds. ) We opted to have it done during the pregnancy so that my beau would be nice and sterile way before the babies are born. We don’t have to worry about birth control or us both trying to recover at the same time. It was the best decision for us and we couldn’t be more happier with it. We did keep the twin aspect of the pregnancy a secret up until recently when we had the gender reveal. We wanted to have our anatomy scans completed. Because of how crappy I have been feeling, in short I wanted to be left the hell alone so I could rest. I didn’t want the extra attention or constant questions and such, so we chose to keep that aspect to ourselves until it was the right time to disclose it. The further I get into the second trimester the better I feel. I still have some pretty rough days but more good ones than bad ones at this point. The babies are doing very well so far and that makes me happy. I am getting more and more excited the closer we get to meeting them. When it was revealed that we are expecting girls, the reactions were as expected. I am going to say this and leave it alone: Yes we will have 5 girls, no we are not sad about it. We initially tried for another baby to shoot for a boy, but if you know how making babies works, you don’t get to pick what you want unless you have Beyonce and Jay-Z money.

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The whole us having a preference thing went out the window a long time ago. We both are very excited to meet our new little bundle of girls. I am going to speak for a lot of people here when I say this, but sometimes it’s best to keep your gender bias comments to yourself. In some cultures having girls is like the worst thing ever, but for the Sharpnack family, it just means the higher beings chose to sprinkle a little more glitter in our lives and I am okay with that! Our two boys will be just fine in a house full of girls. They both love their sisters and love doing boy things together and not worrying about sharing their things with all the girls.

Now I did say this post would answer the questions that everyone seems to have. I don’t mean to be rude but people know I HATE constantly repeating myself. So writing this post should answer all if not most of the common questions people have been asking. I ask that you read each one carefully because if I am asked again I will kindly refer you back to this post. I have a lot to cover and catch you guys up on within the next few months before things get crazy.

Sharpnack Twins FAQS

  1. Does this mean that you are getting a mini van/van? No I am not planning on getting a van. Although they may be more convenient as far as getting people in and out of the car, it simply is not for me. Getting a van seems to be a big joke to a lot of people and I honestly don’t see what’s so funny about a family’s mode of transportation as long as they have one. Most people making comments about it drive something that’s falling apart or nothing at all anyway. What works for other moms, may not work for me. It was decided by me and my beau who pays the bills that a van isn’t ideal for our family. Now, to further address this topic once and for all. I have 3 options, ONE is in fact a van but it is our “worst case scenario” option, meaning if it doesn’t make sense financially to obtain the other options then we will go with that. REGARDLESS we are the ones paying for the vehicle, and other’s opinions about it does not mean two red cents to us or will sway our decision.  We are not the type of people who make decisions for the likes and appeasement of others. If anything we are very fortunate to be able to have multiple vehicle options and the ability to afford what we would like. So here are the options: 2018 Yukon XL, 2018 Chevy Suburban (we currently own both a Yukon and a suburban), and the 2018 Nissan NV. For those of you who don’t know the two SUV options can seat up to 9 passengers. Regardless we will do what is best for our family and that is all that matters.
  2. I have always wanted twins, did you do anything special to conceive twins? No I didn’t do anything special to conceive the twins. The only thing I changed in my normal routines, was I started drinking a lot of alkaline water. I am not saying this had anything to do with anything but it was just something I started when we decided we wanted to have another baby. Several factors play a role in having twins and for me it was purely genetics and my body being a jerk and laying two eggs.
  3. Are they identical or fraternal? Our twins are fraternal and are DI/DI (Dichorionic Diamniotic) twins. To explain this in a way that is easy to understand, think of it as a house and sharing rooms. Our twins have separate rooms and separate everything else but share a house. They do not share a placenta or a sac just my uterus. Although they are fraternal and the same sex, they can still look very similar, but for the most part all of our kids look alike. DI/DI twins are the most common form of twin pregnancies and have less complications. 20180207_185048
  4. You guys just built a large new home does that mean you are about to sell it very soon for something bigger? It was already established that this home was our starter home. Yes, we do plan to sell this home and build a bigger house but not anytime soon. This is something that we are not thinking about right now and will likely do 5 or 6 years from now. What we have now more than works perfectly for us.
  5. What was your parent’s reactions? I am declining to comment on how his parents reacted, but my parents were not shocked that we were expecting, but were thrown off by the twins. My mom almost fainted and my dad smiled. My grandmother is over the moon about it. Everyone else all say this was all my granddaddy’s will because he came from a large family that includes twins and because they are due the day after his birthday (R.I.P Granddaddy). My family has been very supportive and are very excited about the twins.
  6. What are you going to do about school? I am actually about to obtain another Masters degree this spring, and then I am taking a break from school for maybe a year or so in order for me to focus on loving on my babies. My adviser is very supportive of my decision and I am looking forward to a much needed break. Dr. Sharpnack will happen in due time, but right now I am all about our family.
  7. What does it feel like being pregnant with twins? It feels like any other pregnancy, except you get bigger faster, have more symptoms, and those symptoms are ten times worse. The bump is slightly heavier. I can feel the babies moving, but they are on their own schedule. Baby A is more active than Baby B, but they haven’t been awake and moving at the same time yet. I am sure this will change.
  8. Will you have a c-section? This is something that is up in the air. There is a 50/50 chance that I may need one. It depends on each baby’s position. Right now both are head down but they still have time to flip flop back and forth. Although I have never had one and have delivered naturally before, I am going to do whatever is best for me and my babies to ensure they are delivered in the safest way possible. We are hoping for the best and crossing our fingers for a stress free vaginal delivery.
  9. Do you have a lot of stretch marks? I always get stretch marks. However they haven’t been that bad this pregnancy. I started using a stretch mark oil (not cream or lotion) the day I found out I was pregnant. So far the oil in combination with drinking plenty of water has faded existing ones and prevented new ones from popping up. There will be a post in the near future about my must have twin pregnancy survival items. vday3.jpg
  10. You should have everything you need since it’s girls, so why do you have a baby registry and are you buying new items? First off, don’t assume anything. When we had Kendall she was supposed to be our last baby. As she outgrew things we got rid of them. Simple as that. We are in a sense starting over and of course we have to buy two of certain things (There will also be a post about must have twin baby items). The baby registry is for our records so we can keep track of what is needed and check it off as we move along. No one is obligated to purchase anything for any of our babies. If they choose to do so that is purely up to them. A lot of people ask what do we need or how they can help and usually the answer is diapers, wipes and toiletries. The way my friends are set up, they prefer to do more than that and I am ok with that and we are very grateful for their love and support.
  11. Will you dress them alike? They do have a few onesies so far that do match but for the most part I don’t plan on dressing them alike. Now if an outfit is just too stinkin cute to pass up then yes I will be buying two of them but switching up certain things such as the accessories. vday2.jpg
  12. This last question is one of the most asked questions next to the whole car thing…Will the babies have K names like the other girls? Absolutely not. The twins will have names that do not start with K’s. We decided not to do this when we found out the genders. However, if they were boys, they would have had C names because we were in love with the C names we had picked. There was slim pickings of K names and we felt that if we would have went with one of them it would be settling. Also since they are twins and will share certain things, we want them to have their own unique identity. Although we appreciate it, we do not need baby name suggestions. Their names are already picked and set in stone and we are in love! The names will not be revealed until we have them and it will be done in some special way so we kindly ask that you respect this, and you do not ask us what the names will be for the time being.

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So that’s it for now! I hope I answered all of your questions! If there is anything else you want to know or are curious about drop me a comment and I will try to answer it in another post at a later time! Seeing my beau and everyone’s reactions and excitement to the news has gotten me more excited about the whole having twins thing and definitely cheered me up. As a mom I am entitled to letting my fears and worries overcome my joy and excitement from time to time because I am human and also keep in mind I do have anxiety. One thing for certain, two things for sure I can’t wait to snuggle these little bundles of mayhem in June!

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Plot twist

The Gender Reveal (1)

I am currently 21 weeks pregnant and yesterday we had our gender reveal! The gender of our last bundle of mayhem was something that everyone has been anticipating. The majority of the votes we received were for a boy. Initially me and my beau were are set on being team blue. I mean after all that was the whole reason we even considered trying one last time. We all know that the daddies determine the gender of the baby and mommy doesn’t have much say so in it. After a while, we both started to not really have a preference anymore. For me, it was because I have been incredibly sick battling morning sickness since day one, I stopped giving a damn. I just wanted a healthy baby. When we asked the kids what they would like to have surprisingly, everyone except Cody (and ofcourse Kali and Kendall couldn’t cast their vote), said they wanted another sister. Cody was team blue since day one.

Planning the gender reveal wasn’t too crazy. I knew I wanted something small but unique and since we did a gamer theme for the pregnancy announcement we decided to stick with it. We both love Super Mario, and it was something we could easily do that could be made gender neutral. So I have this thing where I like to pick unique themes, and well the downside to this is, a lot of things have to be custom made, custom ordered from other people, and can add up quickly. Some of the items I was able to find at party stores and online. Some things were free and some things cost a good bit of money but were so worth it! I wasn’t too concerned because this is our last baby so I wanted to make it special but not too over the top.

I had a few monkey wrenches thrown into things because of bad timing, and a series of unfortunate events. One of those unfortunate events was getting sick. My whole house got hit and I was the last casualty. With the flu going around superbad, I decided I needed to take measures to prevent the funk from coming back into my home. We informed those on the guest list if they had been recently ill, that we kindly asked them to stay home. This did alter our guest list a bit but we still ended up with a packed house.

The bad timing aspect, my dress was ordered 3 weeks in advance on Amazon, it was shipped but then it was noted after the fact by the seller that the dress was coming from the United Kingdom! The dress had no tracking and was set to arrive between the 8th and 20th! I was pretty upset about this and as we got closer and closer to the day I realized I had nothing to wear. Ofcourse I have plenty of Mario shirts, but I wanted to wear something special (also I can barely fit the shirts I have). I had a check up with the specialist this week, so after my appointment we set out to find me something to wear. With no luck, I ended up buying a shirt from Box Lunch (the same company I had a horrible online experience with). The sales person said he would hold it at the register because there were two left. One shirt was a men’s medium and would work, and the other on the shelf was a men’s 2x! So I didn’t think to check the sizes or anything when I saw him walk back to the register with the shirt because obviously I needed the medium and I had sat it ON TOP of the other shirt.

We had lunch and then decided it was best just to buy the damn shirt. The shirt was a little pricey for what it was and I wasn’t too happy about that. We get back home, and the mail had been dropped off….guess what was in the mail…MY DRESS…..I had just spent almost 40 bucks on a damn tshirt for nothing. I figured well the shirt isn’t too bad and I like cool tees so I might as well keep it. Well I am counting my lucky stars…this person picked up the 2x shirt instead of the medium shirt not paying attention….so if the dress wasn’t here I would have been screwed because the shirt was beyond too big. My husband didn’t like the shirt so I shoved it back into the bag with the receipt mad as hell and plan on returning it when I have my next appointment. So the dress was an XL but kind of stretchy so I knew it would work with my baby bump. Well it was a bit snug because of my boobs. My boobs have really blown up this pregnancy. This dress that would normally fall above my knees, fit like a tunic top…leggings saved the day.

We were supposed to start things at 4pm, but unfortunately, I woke up at 8:30am battling horrible morning sickness. Fine time for this to happen. I was literally sick all day long. My beau had to do a lot on his own and I had to help and prepare things as much as I could in between being sick. I ended up super exhausted and what wasn’t done at this point just didn’t happen. I took my morning sickness meds and couldn’t keep them down. I lost my appetite and basically I survived off ice chips and I had a ginger ale.

This pregnancy has def given me a big new found respect for those mamas who have Hyperemesis gravidarum because Jesus can take the whole transmission (forget taking the wheel). People were showing up and I looked like pure shxt. I wasn’t dressed at all and was still running around preparing stuff. I eventually called it quits and went upstairs to get ready. I wasn’t as glammed up as I planned to be, but I made the best of things and fixed myself up the best I could with what little energy I had left, in order to conceal the way I was really feeling. Hubby felt bad because essentially I had to suffer through the party because I felt so bad, but I kept a smile on my face and was very happy to see my family and friends.

Here are some pics of the decorations from the gender reveal

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I kept the menu very simple but yet filling since we were feeding a crowd. The menu consisted of: baked Penne pasta, Hawaiian sweet rolls, pasta salad, regular salad, and cocktail meatballs. We picked up a few pizzas for the children who were attending. I wanted something a little different from the typical party foods since the reveal took place during the evening.

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We also had a sweets table that included: an assortment of candy, custom cookies, custom Rice Krispy treats, and cupcakes made by yours truly.

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Custom Rice Krispy Treats by: ARcloud Cakes . Cupcakes and sweets table set up done by me

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Custom cookies made by: The New York Cookie Boutique

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We also had beer, water with custom labels, and pink and blue sodas (Fanta).

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For games, I kept it simple. I utilized the internet and found a lot of printable ideas and also came up with a few of my own. I really don’t care too much for cliche games so we picked some challenging ones. One of the games, our guest had to take a piece of paper and a marker and place the paper on their foreheads and draw a portrait of our baby. Most of the portraits looked like they belonged in a lab somewhere in a Petri Dish.

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When it came time to actually reveal things, I opted for a confetti popper. I purchased the popper on Etsy.com from Poof There It Is.

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Then came the moment of truth….The BIG reveal…

There was one (or two) tiny details we left out about the gender reveal. We revealed the gender and we also revealed that we are in fact expecting TWINS!

We had a few people who had to leave early, but the party favors spilled the beans as well. So they weren’t left out of the surprise. The party favors were custom pub style drinking glasses that featured a girl version of the character Toad as well as the twin announcement.

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After the shock factor wore off, we thanked everyone for coming and for their generous gifts for our twincesses and their contributions to my booze stash!

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We couldn’t have asked for a better gender reveal despite the challenges we had to overcome!

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To the Mom Who Feels Like Giving Up

how toget moreAnother day has come and gone and you are beyond drained. You spent your day either working or being at home with the kiddos all day. You may have had your coffee piping hot, cold, or reheated in the microwave because you forgot all about the damn thing. You dealt with public tantrums, a million meltdowns at home, life bleachable moments, unwanted silence, meetings, crappy customers or coworkers, missed appointments, tears because you had to return to work, cluster breastfeeding, pumping milk only to spill it, forgetting that you used the last scoop of formula the night before and now you have to make a Target run. Completely forgetting about after school practice and projects, bullying, repeatedly cleaning a never-ending mess of toys, or finding old sippy cups with spoiled milk inside. You may have tried to leave on time to pick your kids up only to sit in horrible traffic and still was late picking them up, or you tried to time leaving the house at the right time to run your errands so you wouldn’t be at the end of the carpool line, or you got there right on time only for someone to cut you off in line.

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Being a mama comes with a lot of things and one of those things is some inevitable guilt at some point. As a mama, you likely end the day by telling yourself that you will do better tomorrow. A lot of times, you admittedly are a little ashamed about some of your mom behaviors such as wearing the same pair of yoga pants or leggings a few days in the row, skipping a shower,  not bothering to style your hair in any way outside of a messy bun or a nice head wrap, yelling at your kiddos, letting your kids eat cereal for dinner, letting laundry pile up, living out of a clothes basket, letting your kids eat off the floor or eat a booger or two because you are tired of saying “hey don’t do that” a million times. Declining yet another birthday party invite because you are just too damn tired and really don’t want to go, and overall just feeling like you want to lose your shxt.  You may sit and wish that you could be perfect for your children like other moms you see on T.V or social media. You are human and humans do sometimes fail at certain things. The biggest thing, is never giving up. Parenting is a learning experience. This is something that I constantly remind myself when I feel like giving up. Parenting is hard and rewarding at the same time.

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I believe that moms have this magical strength that allows them to still be as nurturing as they can all while endearing stress and fighting her own battles. For me those battles are anxiety and depression (End of year reflection:2017). When I am beyond drained, physically and mentally; nothing will stop me from trying to accommodate the needs of my children the best way I can at the time, and get shxt done.  A lot of times I think I am doing the right things all while not even being 100% sure that I am doing the right things because I am still learning. I have learned what works and doesn’t work and most of all I have learned to forgive myself when I make a parenting mistake such as not grabbing a thick enough jacket for them because I misjudged the weather and now they have the sniffles, or saying okay to just one more piece of candy that results in a tummy ache.

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Motherhood will have you at times feeling stuck with who you really are, what you should be, and who you want to be. Some days your routine may seem meaningless, sometimes your children may make you sad, but they are a big part of what makes you feel happy. I am not on a mission to give my children all of the things I never had because I want them to be more than I am. I let my children get bored, and I used to beat myself up about it because the other moms seemed like they were always engaged with their kids, and I immediately tried to think of ways to keep them entertained. Most of the times they turned out to not be really interested in what I came up with. Until one day I sat back and didn’t intervene. Their boredom forced them to be creative. I believe in being a real parent not a perfect parent. Being real takes a lot of frustration out of this whole mommy stuff.

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To the mom who feels like giving up, just know you are entitled to feel that way, but you are not entitled to give up because your children need you and you need them.

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All Juice No Seeds

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So with us finding out we were about to have our last baby sooner than planned and expected, we immediately knew which route we wanted to take for birth control. No questions asked, a vasectomy. There was nothing to discuss and it was a mutual decision. I really don’t understand why so many guys are resistant to the procedure, when it is actually a piece of cake. It has less complications, less down time, a easier recovery, and is overall very effective. My husband was very open to it when we discussed it; and best of all, we didn’t have to pay anything besides the specialist co pay to have it done (winning!). If you are considering it, the first thing I recommend you do is call your insurance provider and see if it is covered. Most major insurance companies now cover vasectomies and treat them as a “regular visit to a specialist” because it is done in office. Now, with that being said, if your hubby is a little bit of a “chicken” and prefers to be put to sleep for the procedure then you will have to factor in those costs.

For our situation (and baby making history), we decided it was best for us to have it done during the pregnancy. We waited until the 2nd trimester to schedule it. Previously, we were going to do it the last trimester but we both wanted it out of sight out of mind. The best thing of all is that he will be sterile way before the pregnancy is over; so I don’t have to worry about birth control period!

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We both knew that regardless of what happens (in and out of our control) this is our last pregnancy. We felt very confident in our decision with the doctor who we chose to do the procedure after a little research. I do recommend going with a practice that is reputable and in network. We went with Georgia Urology because several people we know have used them and they are one of the largest urology groups here.

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Your beau will have to do a consultation first, which explains the procedure etc.  You can sit in on the consultation if you want, but I didn’t care. I sat in the car while he had that appointment. I didn’t care how it was done, I just need the shxt to work! Anywho, scheduling was a bit frausting being that they are a large group, we couldn’t get it done as soon as we would have liked but it didn’t matter. Damage is already done. The surgery was scheduled for January 2nd (Happy New Year!). We both were anxiously awaiting V-day and there were no second thoughts whatsoever about it. Hubby got off shift that morning from the fire department, we had breakfast and then headed out for his appointment.

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Once we arrived he received more instructions etc, they prepared the room, took him to the back, did local anesthesia, and 20mins later he was done. It was a scalpel-less procedure. The “incision” is basically a small puncture that can heal on its own without stitches. That’s it! Easy peasy!

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How To Survive Your Hubby’s Vasectomy 

 

  1. Be his hype “man”

    It is a big decision for a guy to sacrifice his “manhood” and get the procedure done. He will no longer be dangerous to make sexy time with and you will essentially put your baby bun factory out of business since you will have no use for the baby batter anymore. Hype him up! Be excited! Even if you are a little sad about the ending of this chapter, look at the biggest perk! Unlimited unprotected baby worry free sex! If you show excitement he will feel more confident about the decision and less likely to back out.

  2. Make it as fun as possible vas12vas11vas10

    Get shirts for the occasion and take pics! This is a day to commemorate! This day is just as important as your pregnancy announcement!

  3. Be prepared in advanced vas4

    You will need to make sure he has ice packs (frozen peas work just as well as other ice packs), and more than one jockstrap. Yes he can wear tight fitting undies, but the jock strap offers more support for the healing ball sack. Also the one he wears after the surgery will be dirty (a little blood here and there) and it is important to keep the area super clean since he won’t be able to shower for the first 24 hours. Have snacks ready and a location for him to recover already established to limit him getting up and down etc. He also can not lift anything over 15 pounds so put that honey do list on hold. Depending on what he does for a living, he may want to take a little time off. My beau is a firefighter so he took off a few shifts (2 to 3 for some people) and was fine when he returned.

  4. Make him comfyvas13

    Once you have the recovery location set up, have things close by to limit the ringing of the bell. Drinks, snacks, pain meds, etc all in one location or easily accessible. We have stairs so it was a bit tiring for me going up and down.  Keep ice packs in rotation because he will basically be surviving off of them. Also as far as pain, manage it before it starts or gets worse. My hubby was okay without them and mainly just wanted ice. Fix a special meal for the occasion or something easy. We ordered pizza.

  5. Keep him hydrated vas14

    My beau wanted Jack and Coke, so I kept them coming (with plenty of water in between of course). Since he wasn’t taking any pain pills, it was the least I could do.

So that is it, there is not much to it! Other than your hubby taking it easy for a few days and his ball sack being a little bruised looking, it wasn’t that bad at all. He has a check up tomorrow to check the puncture site and then another check in about 3 months (they say your beau should “arrive at the party” about 15-20 times within that timeframe to ensure he is sterile). At the 3 month mark, at that appointment he has to make sexy time by himself and “party” in a cup, for them to check the sample to see if he is sterile or not. (If you aren’t pregnant, you will need to use something or stay on birth control until he is cleared. For the love of coffee, please do not skip the follow up appointments).

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In the meantime during recovery, he will need plenty of rest and it is advisable to wait a week before you have sexy time…..whether we waited a week or not well that’s none of your business 😉

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First Trimester Recap: Baby #6

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So I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and so happy to be out of the first trimester of this pregnancy. The first 13 weeks were very rough. My morning sickness was super bad and never ending. I haven’t had any major issues with morning sickness with any of my other pregnancies so this was a game changer. It seems like I started showing the second I pissed on the stick and I have a love hate relationship with food. Since I have so much to share and document this pregnancy with it legit being our last one, I figured it is easier for me to just break down the trimesters instead of doing a post every week about the baby’s development etc. I think that is boring first off, and second I don’t feel like writing all that shxt.

I have had several appointments, some back to back. This pregnancy has been labeled high risk (I will get into the logistics of that on another post). I am def not in the mood for anybody’s shxt and all I want to do is sleep. People speculated for a while if I was pregnant or not mainly because I have that serious pregnancy glow thing going on. I don’t always glow with my pregnancies so I guess I can take it as I don’t look like shxt this time. The morning sickness had made it kind of hard to get fully excited  but I am getting there. The second trimester has brought some relief but I am still not 100% feeling back to my normal self yet.

All of the scans so far have been beautiful. Baby looks amazing and is very active. I didn’t gain much weight in the first trimester due to the morning sickness, so I was put on the medication Diclegis. It has a nice side effect which is drowsiness…hence me just wanting to sleep. I am on the maximum dose. It does work I will say that. My OB isn’t very partial to Zofran anymore because of its link to the birth defects and a few other issues. From my past experience taking Zofran, it worked super fast but made me constipated which wasn’t cool. I will def take drowsiness over not being able to take shxt any day. Anywho moving forward, being that this is my 6th pregnancy, I started showing very quickly. I started off being super bloated but it turned into a full on baby bump within the first few weeks. My boobs are huge already as well. I have been documenting my growing tummy weekly as I have done so in the past. Some people have been just plain fing annoying with their comments about my size like they have never seen me pregnant before. Newsflash people, the more babies you have the quicker you show. For the most part I have been pretty irritable, and took my time announcing that I was pregnant simply because I didn’t want to be bothered on top of being super sick. My focus has been resting and getting well. All in all I am happy that everything is looking great development wise.

We announced we were expecting a little sooner than we had planned. We planned to announce it on xmas eve, but we were getting together with a bunch of people for my hubby’s birthday and I didn’t want someone to accidently leak a pic. We made the decision to put it out there. I have had my business shared before I have wanted it to be shared before, so I wanted to avoid that again. We shared the announcement on Facebook and Instagram and for the most part no negative comments.

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I mean at this point who tf cares that we are having another baby? Yeah people have their jokes about the size of our family, but I quickly kill that when I say “at least I can afford to have a large family”.

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We opted out of the blood test that tells you the gender early because we didn’t do that with any of the other ones. We will have baby’s gender on December 27th, however it will not be revealed until February 10th no exceptions. We are also not disclosing any possible names until the birth of the baby.

Top Cravings

Chik-Fil-A Lemonade

Pork rinds aka skins

Pulled pork

Sweet potato fries and mashed sweet potatoes

Any Trolli brand sour gummy candies

Cokes

Build your own pancake combo from Ihop (blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns)

That is basically what I have wanted when I am not puking my brains out. The love hate thing with food is getting better though. So that is basically it for the first trimester. We have only bought one baby item so far but after my appointment on Wednesday we will pick up a few more things and really start preparing then. In the meantime here are the pics I took during the first trimester 🙂 Some pics I look rough and some pics I look fabulous!

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Just a friendly reminder baby bumps come in all shapes and sizes. The extent of your bump depends on the position of your uterus, if you had abs/a strong core before pregnancy, the number of times you have been pregnant/given birth and the amount of fluid. It is rude to make comments about the size of a woman’s bump or size period even when she isn’t pregnant. If you like putting your feelings and life at risk carry on with the comments 🙂

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When Plans Change

When Plans Change (1)

So remember how a few months back I wrote the piece Last baby sadness? we made the decision not to get the vasectomy done this past March after we had Kendall. Kendall turned out to be a girl and we both kind of wanted another boy. Since we are financially able and such, we both weighed pros and cons and ultimately decided  “screw it” let’s shoot for one more and then call it quits. I mean after all we have five kids already so what’s one more? So with the vasectomy cancelled, we set plans for our last baby for sometime next year. I wanted to be done with this portion of school in April and take a break. Although I wanted to be done having babies before my 30th (next August), I figured I could always celebrate a little later if things didn’t work out how we planned. Well, my body decided to say f what you have planned.

 

So August, I had big plans for my birthday since I was turning 29. I had plans to basically go all out and have fun and get shxt-faced; all that good stuff. Well August arrived and I basically skipped a cycle. I was so worried I was possibly pregnant then because I had just stopped breastfeeding and felt like my birthday plans would be ruined.  My cycle window came and went so I tested it was negative, life was great. I had a pretty wild party and had the time of my life and everyone swore up and down I was going to get knocked up from birthday sex. NOPE!

September came and my cycle decided to return with a vengeance.  It was like the apocalypse of all cycles. My body had to make up for the skipped cycle I guess.  I survived. hmm

After the cycle from hell, we rolled into October and everything seemed back to normal. It has already been concluded that I have an irregular cycle so I was expecting my period to come at a certain point but I always give it an entire week to see which day it is going to rear its ugly head. The week of my cycle arrived. I was prepared to embrace whatever mother nature’s bxtch ass threw at me. I felt a little weird the first few days before it was due and I know that weird feeling all too well. So I decided to buy a cheap ass test to see. Well it was negative. I was super crampy the next day and felt like an idiot having wasted a few bucks on a test and went ahead and got a box of pads and all my other monthly goodies. I use the period panties by THINX but not on certain days when it is due because I can’t always gauge if it is going to be a shxtty cycle or not. So I diaper it up until I see which level of doom I am at. So being that I had tested 4 days prior I had thought nothing of the fact my cycle had not arrived yet. I was beyond crampy and felt like pure shxt so I just knew it was coming. Well my suspicion was raised when we had to make a trip to the store so hubby could return a Redbox rental. He had an issue with the one he received out of the machine so he needed to address the issue with customer service. I wanted to look around, so I left him to do his business and went to the other side of the store. As I was walking by, a stinky old man passed me by and I almost puked everywhere.

WTH? I thought, and then it clicked. You need to take another pregnancy test. I thought about all of the crazy pork rinds (I call them skins) that I had been devouring and how I haven’t eaten them in years and the crazy obsession with lemonade I had been having. I jetted to the aisle where they were and snatched a Clear Blue Digital off the shelf.  I went to self check out and tossed it in the diaper bag and suffered through the rest of the shopping trip. Hubby ended up having to leave to take Kendall to a doctor’s appointment so I debated on taking it that day or waiting until the next morning while he was at work to take it. I was nervous as hell for some reason. I thought it wouldn’t be a good idea to take it the same day because I had already emptied my bladder and I wasn’t technically late yet. When we got home it was like the test was calling my name from the diaper bag. “take me”….So once hubby left I continued working on a cake order and then I caved. I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom and took the test. I didn’t think it would work because my little pee sample was pretty pathetic lol. But nonetheless it immediately started blinking that it was working! The test was supposed to countdown and flash four bars before the results.

Well this shxt flashed two bars and BOOM! PREGNANT!

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I sat in the bathroom for a while to process things and then for whatever reason I sat in my huge walk in closet staring at the test (don’t ask). I immediately thought about how I was going to tell him. I really didn’t plan this far ahead. I didn’t think things would happen so soon. So I put the test in the top drawer of my nightstand and went back downstairs with my heart racing. My hubby eventually returned home and told me about Kendall’s appointment, but he had also stopped by our favorite liquor store and picked up a butt ton of craft beer. Craft beer that I could not drink because ya know I was like 2 hours pregnant. I decided I needed to tell him. So I sent him on a dummy mission to retrieve something from upstairs and quickly set up my phone to record me telling him. Something I have never done before.

Once I had the phone hidden and at the right angle I told him nevermind about the nonexistent item I needed from upstairs. He came back down stairs, in a panic I asked him to help me cut out something for the cake I was working on. As he was working on that I ran upstairs to get the test. I didn’t think this through at all. I had nowhere to put the test because my yoga pants had no pockets! I shoved it in the band behind me and ran back down stairs. I was shaking lol I was so nervous to tell him (IDK why). So I started the convo off pretty casual and mentioned that we needed to return back to the store for a 3rd time (when we returned the rental that was our second time at the store). So he wasn’t really paying me any attention. So I told him I forgot something and mentioned prenatal vitamins. He took a second and then he asked “you’re pregnant?” and I showed him the test. Pretty lame way to tell him but it was still super cute. Now recording his reaction I was not sure what to expect. I figured either he’s going to cuss a lot out of excitement or say something off the wall. But his reaction made me tear up because it was just too damn cute. He was so overjoyed and happy and is still as excited about things 14 weeks later.

Now the following day was Friday October 13th. We were supposed to go to my friend’s house for a little onesie Friday the 13th party to watch scary movies and celebrate Halloween approaching. I knew there would be lots of alcohol consumed because that is what we do when we get together. We talked about it and made the decision to tell our small circle of buddies the news! In which they thought it was a joke at first!

So only a few people knew that we were expecting again, and lots of people had been asking me if I was the past few weeks but I kind of left a small trail of breadcrumbs but didn’t really tell anyone if I was or not. We decided we would wait for the right time to spill the beans to the world and everyone else. This baby did come as a surprise as far as timing goes but I am not complaining. I say I am not complaining because I am due in June and my 30th birthday is in August. So guess who still gets to get shxt-faced on their 30th bday next year!? This girl! I won’t be back summer time fine by then but I will make the postpartum body work. My due date is set for June 18th which is the day after my beloved granddaddy’s birthday. I know he is up in heaven smiling with his Atlanta Braves cap on and saying “that’s alright” which was something he said no matter what it was that you told him. It is still a little unreal that we are expecting our last baby finally!  It’s bittersweet and unexpected, and that’s alright!

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